I Love My Wife

Love is not a feeling. As Kari and I celebrate 13 years of marriage this weekend, I have been reflecting on this statement quite a bit. It is something that I have learned the hard way--and am still learning to this day.

(Photo of us taken just prior to our courtship)

We got married at a relatively young age, I was 22 and she was 21. We were still just kids ourselves. We hardly knew what love was. I was still in college and working as a department manager at Barnes & Noble making just $7.50 per hour. She had a job working as a trainer for a clothing and housewares catalog making slightly more than me. Although no one said so, I imagine many people thought that we were crazy to get married so young and with such a meager income. Some people may have even thought that our marriage wouldn't last.

To be honest, there were times in our marriage, especially early on, that I also thought our marriage wouldn't last. It was during that time in our life where I (possibly both of us) thought that love was a feeling. When we first started dating, like most couples, our relationship was driven by our feelings. Kari made me feel good about myself. I felt happy, confident, and "loved"

when I was near her.

After our marriage those feelings started to fade--as is normal for all long-term relationships. However, I had not realized that love was not a feeling. I wanted those feelings back. We fought often and our marriage really struggled. We thought about and talked about separating--about divorce. Even though we talked about divorce, it was never a real option for us. We were both committed to our marriage and wanted to make it work--for better or for worse.

So we worked through our issues. And our relationship strengthened. And then we worked through more issues. And our relationship strengthened. And then some more...even to today. Now don't get me wrong, we don't have a broken marriage. We have a very normal marriage. Every couple deals with issues in their marriage. The committed and loving couple works through those issues instead of giving up at the first sign of distress. This is what love is. Love is commitment. Love is willing the good of another. Love is dialogue. Love is selfless.

(Kari and I today)

So, as I reflect on the past 13 years, I realize that I am truly blessed. I am blessed with a job that I love. I am blessed with 5 beautiful and wonderful children. Most of all, I am blessed to have Kari in my life. I am blessed to have learned what love is with her at my side as an example of love. I am thankful to the Lord for giving us the strength to work together in overcoming all the obstacles that life brings us. And now I know what love is.