I'm Scared, I'm REEEAAALLLY Scared!

Has something ever happened to you that scared the living daylights out of you? Have you ever been consumed by something that you heard, read, or saw that really frightened you? For me, one of the most frightening things that has ever happened to me was when I was in college and got into a horrible car accident where I drove my car under the bed of an 18 wheeler flat-bed truck.That moment, that brush with death, was incredibly frightening for me. First of all, I thought I was going to die. In fact, eye witnesses to the accident said that they expected to pull a dead body out of the car. Furthermore, after I realized I didn't die (I actually walked away from it virtually unharmed) I was faced with the fact that I was 10 hours from home, in the midst of a nasty snow storm, and without a way to get home. I was scared. I was REEEAAALLLY scared. It was probably the most frightening thing I have gone through in my life....until today.

Today, I read something that frightened me even more than that car accident:

 On the day we die, I believe that the God of love gives us what we love the most.

~Fr. Larry Richards

 What an incredibly frightening thing to think about. Not the death part...the part about God giving us what we love most when we die. What do I love the most? When I look at my sinfulness, and the root of that sin, I find that what I love the most is......ME. I'm scared to spend eternity with nothing but me. It's not that I think that I'm such a horrible person that no one would want to spend eternity with me. My wife seems to like me. Whether or not she would want to spend eternity with me I'm not so sure about (I certainly hope so!) But for me to spend eternity with nothing but myself and my own selfish desires is another story. Here on earth, I can see glimpses of God's love for me despite my selfishness. And that gives me hope. It gives me comfort. But to spend eternity without even a glimpse of God's love is a miserable thought. It scares me to think that I am choosing, right now, in this life, what God is going to give me for eternity. What scares me even more is that I am not choosing to love God. Instead, I'm choosing to love myself and my selfish desires. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself. But when that self-love becomes selfish-love it turns into sin. As a result, I love sin more than I love God. That love of sin will lead me straight to hell.

But it's not too late. As of the writing of this blog post I still have a pulse. I'm still breathing. I have the opportunity to change my mind about what, or who, I love the most. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the strength of will to choose to love God above all else.

Be A Man: Book Review

I could go on and on quoting different passages from Fr. Larry Richards' book that have inspired me to become a better man. But if I were to do that, I would end up copying most of the book into this review. What a truly wonderful book this is. It is easy to read--hard to put down in fact--and inspirational. I have ready many books on faith and spirituality and Be A Man is among the best books I have ever read.

Be A Man is an insightful, thought provoking look at the challenges that men face. It provides sound advice on how to carry out our mission as men of God in all areas of our life. He challenges men to be strong against the temptations and daily struggles we encounter in our lives.

Each chapter ends with an action plan and a list of questions for reflection. This gives the readers an opportunity to pause, reflect on what they just read and to take it to prayer.

Don't let the title fool you! This book is not just for men. Although Fr. Richards speaks directly to men in his book, I highly recommend women read it too. It will give women an insight into the struggles that men face, but it will also inspire women to be all that God created them to be as well. The advice and inspiration that Fr. Richards gives in Be A Man is good for women as well as men.

I wrote this review of Be A Man! for the Tiber River Blogger Review program, created by Aquinas and More Catholic Goods, your source for Baptism Gifts and First Communion Gifts. For more information and to purchase, please visit Aquinas and More Catholic Goods.
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Jesus Loves Me This I Know.....

".....for the bible tells me so." I have been struggling with something for the past week or two. There is a question that has been presenting itself to me over and over again, almost taunting me. It appeared first in reading Fr. Larry Richard's book, Be a Man! It has resurfaced many times in prayer. It even presented itself (although not directly) during the homily at Mass last Sunday. It's a question that I thought I knew the answer to. It's a question that I believe that I have had the right answer to throughout my childhood and adult life. And now I'm questioning it. I'm questioning whether my answer to this question most of my life is the right one. The question I have been struggling so much with is "Do I know that God the Father loves me?"

I've been Catholic my whole life. I went to Catholic grade school and Catholic high school. I spent time in the seminary. I'm working in Catholic youth ministry. My whole faith life has been based on the premise that, as the song says (sing with me now), "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so." Jesus loves me. I understand that. But, do I know, in the depth of my being, that Jesus loves me? And, do I know how much Jesus loves me?

Like I said, I've been wrestling with this for a while now.  I would have to say that when this question first presented itself to me I had to honestly say "No." I don't know that God loves me. If I knew that God loves me, if I knew how much He loves me, then I wouldn't make the decisions that I have been making. I wouldn't live for me. St. Joseph, in last Sunday's gospel had a decision to make. Was he going to take Mary as his wife, or was he going to walk away from it all? He had every right to be upset, to be angry, to be hurt. The woman he was betrothed to was pregnant, and it wasn't his child. Sure, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, but how often do we wake up in the morning with the thought, "that was a weird dream", and then go on living our lives as if the dream meant nothing. Joseph had a choice to make. And he chose to marry Mary. And why did he say yes to taking Mary as his wife? Because he knew that God loved him.

Many of the choices I make in my life are all about me. They are all about how I feel. They are also a cry for love. We all have within us a deep seeded desire to be loved. It is how we were created. And the sole purpose of our creation is to be loved by God. Yet oftentimes we forget that, or, even worse, never even realize it. So, it is in this deep desire to be loved that all of our actions are a pursuit of that love.We want to be recognized by others, so we are prideful. We are jealous of the things others have and the attention they receive that we aren't receiving. We get angry when we don't get what we want. We find comfort in food and become gluttonous. We have a strong urge for love found in sexual intimacy, so we lust. We want to be loved, and yet we look everywhere for that love except to God, our loving Father. If I knew that God loved me, then I wouldn't make the choices I make. I would look to Him for love instead of others. St. Joseph could have done what was easy for him. He could have reacted out of anger or gotten jealous. He could have let his pride get the best of him. But he didn't. He knew that God loved him, and reacted with love out of that knowledge.

There's a second reason why I am uncertain of God's love for me, and that's my lack of trust. I don't trust that God has things in control. I don't trust that he will continue to provide everything that I need. I want to do things my way because I can (mostly) control the outcome. This lack of trust stems from not truly believing that God loves me. If I believed that He loves me, then I would be able to trust Him. I would know that God wants what's best for me. St. Joseph trusted God. He trusted God because he knew that God loved him. He knew that God was in control and that He wanted what was best for him.

I feel....I know, that I cannot move any further in my journey of faith until I know, deep in my heart, that Jesus loves me. Until I know that God loves me deep within my heart then I will continue to make the same mistakes. Until I know that God loves me I will be unable to trust Him. I will be unable to "float" and allow God's will to work in my life.

My Christmas present to Jesus (and myself) this year is to understand and to truly know that He loves me. I want to know that Jesus loves me not "because the bible tells me so" but because I feel the embrace of His love surrounding my whole being. I may not be able to accomplish it in a week. It will become my new year's resolution, too. But I know that it is the gift that Jesus wants. I know that nothing will make Him more happy than knowing that I know that He loves me.