I'm Scared, I'm REEEAAALLLY Scared!

Has something ever happened to you that scared the living daylights out of you? Have you ever been consumed by something that you heard, read, or saw that really frightened you? For me, one of the most frightening things that has ever happened to me was when I was in college and got into a horrible car accident where I drove my car under the bed of an 18 wheeler flat-bed truck.That moment, that brush with death, was incredibly frightening for me. First of all, I thought I was going to die. In fact, eye witnesses to the accident said that they expected to pull a dead body out of the car. Furthermore, after I realized I didn't die (I actually walked away from it virtually unharmed) I was faced with the fact that I was 10 hours from home, in the midst of a nasty snow storm, and without a way to get home. I was scared. I was REEEAAALLLY scared. It was probably the most frightening thing I have gone through in my life....until today.

Today, I read something that frightened me even more than that car accident:

 On the day we die, I believe that the God of love gives us what we love the most.

~Fr. Larry Richards

 What an incredibly frightening thing to think about. Not the death part...the part about God giving us what we love most when we die. What do I love the most? When I look at my sinfulness, and the root of that sin, I find that what I love the most is......ME. I'm scared to spend eternity with nothing but me. It's not that I think that I'm such a horrible person that no one would want to spend eternity with me. My wife seems to like me. Whether or not she would want to spend eternity with me I'm not so sure about (I certainly hope so!) But for me to spend eternity with nothing but myself and my own selfish desires is another story. Here on earth, I can see glimpses of God's love for me despite my selfishness. And that gives me hope. It gives me comfort. But to spend eternity without even a glimpse of God's love is a miserable thought. It scares me to think that I am choosing, right now, in this life, what God is going to give me for eternity. What scares me even more is that I am not choosing to love God. Instead, I'm choosing to love myself and my selfish desires. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself. But when that self-love becomes selfish-love it turns into sin. As a result, I love sin more than I love God. That love of sin will lead me straight to hell.

But it's not too late. As of the writing of this blog post I still have a pulse. I'm still breathing. I have the opportunity to change my mind about what, or who, I love the most. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the strength of will to choose to love God above all else.