The English Language Is Inadequate

The English language is incredibly inept when it comes to the word love. We only have one word for it and we tend to use it to describe anything we like. I love baseball...I love pizza....I love my wife. Doesn't it seem inappropriate to use the same word to describe the love of things, like baseball and pizza, that we use to describe the love I have for my wife. The love I have for my wife is much deeper, much more intimate, much more satisfying than my love for pizza, yet I use the same word to describe my love of both.

In the Hebrew language, as well as Greek and other languages, there are different terms to describe the different types of love we have for each other. One Hebrew word to describe love is raya. In Greek it is philia, which means brotherly love. This love is the love of friends and companions. This is the love we have for our "best friends" and companions.

My wife and I started dating shortly after we met each other. We were just getting to know each other and the love we had for each other was raya. We truly enjoyed spending time with each other, talking on the phone, going to the movies or a baseball game, and just hanging out with each other over a pizza. Kari very quickly became my best friend and closest companion.

The second Hebrew word to describe love is ahava. In Greek it is agape. This is deep seeded affection for each other. This is the love of the will--it is making a decision to join the life of another. It is the love of commitment. With this love comes the longing to be with the other.

After dating Kari for a while, we became inseparable. We wanted to spend every waking moment with each other. We had a desire to make a commitment to each other and to be with each other. This was rather difficult for us for a while, because she decided to go to a college about 2 hours away from the college I was attending. Still, every weekend, either I drove out to see her or she came home to see me. She only lasted at that college for one semester...then she transferred to the college that I went to so that we could be together more.

The third, and deepest, kind of love is dod. In Greek it is eros. This is where we get the term erotic. This is deep, intimate, personal, and sexual love. This is the love that is reserved to a committed, permanent relationship.

When a man and a women come together in marriage, all three types of love are meant to be combined. However, in many marriages and other relationships, the couple tries to sustain the relationship without all three types of love. If you have dod without ahava or raya then the relationship with crash and burn. If there is no commitment or friendship, then a sexual relationship cannot be sustained. The love of dod requires a level of commitment that is permanent, where man and woman become one flesh. This level of commitment can only take place in the sacrament of marriage.

Likewise, a marriage cannot be sustained with ahava alone. A marital commitment cannot last or grow without raya or dod--without friendship or sex. So many marriages lack friendship. They are committed to each other but they lack companionship. My wife is my best friend. I share everything with her and she shares everything with me.

We need to have a better understanding of love. We need to realize that different relationships in our lives call for different kinds of love. If we want our relationships--all of them--to last then we need to treat each of those relationships with the appropriate level of love. Friends should not share dod love without ahava. And marriage, the deepest, most intimate love, should have all three forms of love. I still love pizza and baseball, but it is a raya love. My love for my wife is much deeper, combining all three forms of love.