It's Over!

That's it! I'm done! I have completely cut off my relationship with...Facebook. Why? Well, let's start by sharing a little bit about this love/hate relationship I had with Facebook.

I joined Facebook mainly at the prompting of other youth ministers in my area. They used this social networking tool to communicate important events and other things to the teens that attended their youth groups. Some of them also used it to "keep an eye" on their teens. I thought it would be a good way to share with them the different youth group events and to minister to them--to share a bit of my faith with them. So I joined. At first, I didn't know what I was doing, and the whole idea seemed pointless. And then I started finding friends. Not teens that were coming to my youth group, but old high school and college friends. So I started adding everyone I once knew to my list of friends. I also found the teens that come to youth group and added them as friends as well. I even created a fan page for the youth group so I can communicate directly with them.

As time went on, I began to have an almost addictive desire to check my Facebook page..."What's so and so doing?" "Did anyone comment on my status update?" I would pull myself away from family time just to check and see if anything was happening on Facebook, only to discover that nothing was happening. Nothing ever happened on Facebook. Yes, every once in a while, someone would post a funny YouTube video or an inspiring quote from some saint, but as a whole, Facebook, for me, was nothing but a time waster.

I would try to put links to my blog posts and inspiring quotes and scripture passages up on my Facebook pages, in an effort to expand my ministry to the teens. Whether they got anything from those efforts or not, I don't know. You see, the problem with Facebook, at least for me, is that the "relationships" I had there weren't real. There was no real connection to anyone, even the teens that I see on a weekly basis. Yes, it was neat to reconnect with old high school friends and to see what they were up to these days, but after that initial connection, there wasn't really much to say. After 15 years of not speaking to someone, it is hard to re-start a relationship. Now there are exceptions to this. My wife, for instance, reconnected with a friend through Facebook that she hasn't spoken to for many years and they have really connected. We stayed with her recently when we visited St. Louis, and they are coming to Florida this summer to see us. But that sort of connection does not happen often, at least it hasn't for me.

Facebook gives a false sense of friendship. I had 147 Facebook friends, but were they all really my friends? Some of them, yes. But most of them, the only connection I had with them is through seeing what their status updates were. That isn't friendship. A true friend is someone you have an open dialogue with, preferably face to face. A true friendship at the very least, requires verbal communication. Facebook can't give that.

So, in the end, I decided to sever my relationship with Facebook because it was a waste of time. I decided that it was more important for me to foster my face-to-face friendships than it was for me to spend time voyeuristically seeing what everyone else was doing. I need to spend more time connecting with my wife and children. I need to spend more time connecting with the real friendships that I do have. I need to spend more time connecting with the teens in youth group. Facebook never provided the connection that I thought that it would when I joined.

Life, Death, and My Favorite Painting

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

A couple of weeks ago, I got to visit my hometown, St. Louis. It was a truly wonderful visit. We spent time with old friends and family. We visited old haunts. One of the places we went was the art museum. While there I had the opportunity to see my favorite painting, St. Francis of Assisi contemplating a skull by Francisco de Zurbaran. When I was a teen, every time I would visit the art museum I would stop by this painting and just look at it. I would look at it and wonder what St. Francis was thinking about as he contemplated the skull cradled in his hands. Was he analyzing it from a scientific standpoint, trying to understand how the human body worked? Or, was he looking at it from a philosophical standpoint asking the question: How is it that life comes into being and what happens in death? Maybe he was looking at it with a theological standpoint: Is this man's soul in heaven or hell, and what is going to happen to my soul?

I imagine St. Francis contemplating two things as he gazes upon the skull in his hands. I think that the first thing that St. Francis is contemplating is life. He is looking the detail in the work that God put into His creation. He is contemplating that each body, each skull is unique and beautiful. He sees this as a proof for the existence of God, as no man nor random series of events could create something so intricate and unique.

The second thing I imagine St. Francis contemplating is death. I see him asking the question, "Am I prepared to die?" He's not questioning whether or not he fears death, but he is questioning whether his soul is ready to receive eternal life. He is asking, "If I die today, will I join my Father in heaven?"

In this Sunday's Gospel, we hear about the sheep and the shepherd. Jesus says:

My sheep hear my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish. No one can take them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can take them out of the Father's hand. The Father and I are one. (John 10:27-30)

 We must contemplate the same things that St. Francis is contemplating. We must consider life. Do we see the beauty that God created? Do we believe that He gave us life? If we believe this, then we must ask ourselves if we are his sheep. Just prior to this statement of Jesus was being questioned by the Jewish authorities about the claim that he was the Messiah. His response was, "I told you, and you do not believe. The works I do in my Father's name testify to me. But you do not believe, because you are not among my sheep." (John 10:25-26)

Do you believe? Are you among his sheep? Do you hear his voice? I don't always hear his voice. I don't always follow him. I'd like to say that I am among his sheep, but sometimes I stray. You see, it's one thing to believe it in my mind. Yet, it is another thing altogether to believe it in my heart, in the depths of my soul. And that is where I fail to believe. If I truly believed that God gave me this life out of love for me then I wouldn't stray.

The second thing we must contemplate is death. Are we ready to receive the eternal life that only the Good Shepherd can give? Are we ready to hear his voice and follow him? If we are, then we must be willing to do whatever it takes to follow him. If we follow him, then we will not perish, we cannot be taken out of his hands. Following him is a choice. We can choose in one moment to follow him and in the next choose to stray from him. We must remain vigilant in listening to the voice of the Shepherd. We must keep our eyes focused on the skull.

The English Language Is Inadequate

The English language is incredibly inept when it comes to the word love. We only have one word for it and we tend to use it to describe anything we like. I love baseball...I love pizza....I love my wife. Doesn't it seem inappropriate to use the same word to describe the love of things, like baseball and pizza, that we use to describe the love I have for my wife. The love I have for my wife is much deeper, much more intimate, much more satisfying than my love for pizza, yet I use the same word to describe my love of both.

In the Hebrew language, as well as Greek and other languages, there are different terms to describe the different types of love we have for each other. One Hebrew word to describe love is raya. In Greek it is philia, which means brotherly love. This love is the love of friends and companions. This is the love we have for our "best friends" and companions.

My wife and I started dating shortly after we met each other. We were just getting to know each other and the love we had for each other was raya. We truly enjoyed spending time with each other, talking on the phone, going to the movies or a baseball game, and just hanging out with each other over a pizza. Kari very quickly became my best friend and closest companion.

The second Hebrew word to describe love is ahava. In Greek it is agape. This is deep seeded affection for each other. This is the love of the will--it is making a decision to join the life of another. It is the love of commitment. With this love comes the longing to be with the other.

After dating Kari for a while, we became inseparable. We wanted to spend every waking moment with each other. We had a desire to make a commitment to each other and to be with each other. This was rather difficult for us for a while, because she decided to go to a college about 2 hours away from the college I was attending. Still, every weekend, either I drove out to see her or she came home to see me. She only lasted at that college for one semester...then she transferred to the college that I went to so that we could be together more.

The third, and deepest, kind of love is dod. In Greek it is eros. This is where we get the term erotic. This is deep, intimate, personal, and sexual love. This is the love that is reserved to a committed, permanent relationship.

When a man and a women come together in marriage, all three types of love are meant to be combined. However, in many marriages and other relationships, the couple tries to sustain the relationship without all three types of love. If you have dod without ahava or raya then the relationship with crash and burn. If there is no commitment or friendship, then a sexual relationship cannot be sustained. The love of dod requires a level of commitment that is permanent, where man and woman become one flesh. This level of commitment can only take place in the sacrament of marriage.

Likewise, a marriage cannot be sustained with ahava alone. A marital commitment cannot last or grow without raya or dod--without friendship or sex. So many marriages lack friendship. They are committed to each other but they lack companionship. My wife is my best friend. I share everything with her and she shares everything with me.

We need to have a better understanding of love. We need to realize that different relationships in our lives call for different kinds of love. If we want our relationships--all of them--to last then we need to treat each of those relationships with the appropriate level of love. Friends should not share dod love without ahava. And marriage, the deepest, most intimate love, should have all three forms of love. I still love pizza and baseball, but it is a raya love. My love for my wife is much deeper, combining all three forms of love.

Come on in, have a seat, make yourselves UNcomfortable

Jesus' whole life, his whole ministry, was about being uncomfortable. He was born in a stable--not the most comfortable place to be born, especially for his parents. His ministry was centered around doing the uncomfortable--talking in front of large crowds, enduring ridicule of others, answering the non-stop questions of the church leaders. His passion and death was uncomfortable--enduring ridicule, torture, and being murdered. It seems as though there was nothing comfortable at all about his life and ministry.

Jesus asked his disciples to do the uncomfortable as well. He called fisherman, tax-collectors, and other just plain ordinary people to spread his word. He sent them out to preach the Gospel with nothing but the clothes on their backs. You could say that Jesus made their lives very uncomfortable, stretching them, their abilities, and their faith.

Jesus' passion came. His death came. What do his disciples do? They instinctively do what is most comfortable. Peter denies knowing Christ three times because it would be uncomfortable to acknowledge knowing him. His disciples hide and are not even present at Jesus' crucifixion because being there would be uncomfortable. After finding the empty tomb, Peter goes back to doing what is most comfortable, most familiar, to him. He goes fishing (John 21:3).

 While doing what is most familiar to them, Jesus calls out to Peter and the other disciples. Just as they got into their comfort zone, he calls them to become uncomfortable once again. Jesus asks Peter if he loves him. This question is a very uncomfortable question for Peter, especially since the memory of having denied Jesus three times is still fresh in his mind. Then Jesus asks it two more times. And what does Jesus ask Peter to do? He asks Peter to feed and tend his sheep. This is something that a fisherman is not comfortable with. Peter is much more comfortable in the open waters casting nets than he is in a field trying to round up sheep. Jesus could have made things more comfortable for Peter by saying something like "Cast my net" instead of "Tend my sheep." But he didn't. Jesus understood that it is through doing the uncomfortable that we are able to stretch ourselves and grow.

And then comes the kicker. Jesus then says to Peter and the other disciples present: "Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." (John21:18-19) Jesus is asking his disciples to let go. He is asking them to let go of everything--to completely surrender their wills to the will of the Father. He is asking them to stretch out their hands to God the Father and go not where they want to go but instead to go where God wants them to go. This is the ultimate sacrifice. This is the height of uncomfortableness (Is that a word?).

So, are you uncomfortable? I'm not. I'm very comfortable where I am right now. And you know what? My spiritual journey has stalled out. I'm not growing. My relationships are strained. It's funny, but the more comfortable I get, the more I struggle. It's time to get uncomfortable. I don't know how. I don't know what. But I need to find something that is going to stretch me and make me uncomfortable. I need to stretch out my hand and give control over to God.

The Gargoyle Code: A Book Review

Lent is over. We now are in the midst of the beautiful season of Easter, where we celebrate the risen Christ.

At the start of Lent, I set out a healthy set of goals for myself, goals designed to strengthen my faith and my life. I wrote about my goals here. I was successful at some of them, others turned out to be more difficult. One of the goals I set out for myself that I succeeded in achieving was reading Fr. Dwight Longenecker's The Gargoyle Code. What a truly wonderful book this turned out to be!

Written in the tradition of The Screwtape Letters this book follows the correspondence between Tempter Slubgrip and his trainee Dogwart. I followed this book through Lent and read it along the format with which it was written.

This book really hit home with me. I was impacted by how closely this book followed my own life and my own temptations. Now, certainly, there were many temptations discussed in the book that I don't struggle with, but with the ones that I do struggle with....it really hit home.

I found myself thinking about the temptations in my own life while reading this book. The devil uses the same tactics with all of us. Reading this book really helped to raise my awareness of the temptations that I face and how to combat them.

If you haven't read this book yet, you need to. And, although the timeline is centered around Lent, you don't need to wait until next Lent to read it. The themes discussed are relevant all year long.  The devil doesn't wait until Lent to tempt us....You shouldn't wait until Lent to read The Gargoyle Code.

Ovrerflow: A Tale of Messiness and Mercy

I have been rather negligent in my blog posts lately with Easter and taking a vacation with my family. My wife, however, has written a new blog post that I feel worthy to share...

As we all climbed out of the car in the parking lot we looked a little disheveled to say the least. We had been visiting family and friends all week, staying up late, running all day to try to fit in everything we most wanted to do on our short trip, and already that day, driving for more than an hour much of which was spent in stop and go traffic, to get where we were, to squeeze in one more essential thing before heading back home to Florida...(continued...)