".....for the bible tells me so." I have been struggling with something for the past week or two. There is a question that has been presenting itself to me over and over again, almost taunting me. It appeared first in reading Fr. Larry Richard's book, Be a Man! It has resurfaced many times in prayer. It even presented itself (although not directly) during the homily at Mass last Sunday. It's a question that I thought I knew the answer to. It's a question that I believe that I have had the right answer to throughout my childhood and adult life. And now I'm questioning it. I'm questioning whether my answer to this question most of my life is the right one. The question I have been struggling so much with is "Do I know that God the Father loves me?"
I've been Catholic my whole life. I went to Catholic grade school and Catholic high school. I spent time in the seminary. I'm working in Catholic youth ministry. My whole faith life has been based on the premise that, as the song says (sing with me now), "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so." Jesus loves me. I understand that. But, do I know, in the depth of my being, that Jesus loves me? And, do I know how much Jesus loves me?
Like I said, I've been wrestling with this for a while now. I would have to say that when this question first presented itself to me I had to honestly say "No." I don't know that God loves me. If I knew that God loves me, if I knew how much He loves me, then I wouldn't make the decisions that I have been making. I wouldn't live for me. St. Joseph, in last Sunday's gospel had a decision to make. Was he going to take Mary as his wife, or was he going to walk away from it all? He had every right to be upset, to be angry, to be hurt. The woman he was betrothed to was pregnant, and it wasn't his child. Sure, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, but how often do we wake up in the morning with the thought, "that was a weird dream", and then go on living our lives as if the dream meant nothing. Joseph had a choice to make. And he chose to marry Mary. And why did he say yes to taking Mary as his wife? Because he knew that God loved him.
Many of the choices I make in my life are all about me. They are all about how I feel. They are also a cry for love. We all have within us a deep seeded desire to be loved. It is how we were created. And the sole purpose of our creation is to be loved by God. Yet oftentimes we forget that, or, even worse, never even realize it. So, it is in this deep desire to be loved that all of our actions are a pursuit of that love.We want to be recognized by others, so we are prideful. We are jealous of the things others have and the attention they receive that we aren't receiving. We get angry when we don't get what we want. We find comfort in food and become gluttonous. We have a strong urge for love found in sexual intimacy, so we lust. We want to be loved, and yet we look everywhere for that love except to God, our loving Father. If I knew that God loved me, then I wouldn't make the choices I make. I would look to Him for love instead of others. St. Joseph could have done what was easy for him. He could have reacted out of anger or gotten jealous. He could have let his pride get the best of him. But he didn't. He knew that God loved him, and reacted with love out of that knowledge.
There's a second reason why I am uncertain of God's love for me, and that's my lack of trust. I don't trust that God has things in control. I don't trust that he will continue to provide everything that I need. I want to do things my way because I can (mostly) control the outcome. This lack of trust stems from not truly believing that God loves me. If I believed that He loves me, then I would be able to trust Him. I would know that God wants what's best for me. St. Joseph trusted God. He trusted God because he knew that God loved him. He knew that God was in control and that He wanted what was best for him.
I feel....I know, that I cannot move any further in my journey of faith until I know, deep in my heart, that Jesus loves me. Until I know that God loves me deep within my heart then I will continue to make the same mistakes. Until I know that God loves me I will be unable to trust Him. I will be unable to "float" and allow God's will to work in my life.
My Christmas present to Jesus (and myself) this year is to understand and to truly know that He loves me. I want to know that Jesus loves me not "because the bible tells me so" but because I feel the embrace of His love surrounding my whole being. I may not be able to accomplish it in a week. It will become my new year's resolution, too. But I know that it is the gift that Jesus wants. I know that nothing will make Him more happy than knowing that I know that He loves me.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Are You Ready for Christmas?
Christmas is coming next Saturday. Being a father of 5, those who know me ask if my wife and I are ready for Christmas. They want to know if we've been able to do all the shopping, all the gift wrapping, all the preparing for Christmas morning. My response has been, "We're getting there. We've got most of the shopping done and have a few last minute gifts to buy." We've even been able to wrap a few of the presents instead of waiting to do it all on Christmas Eve, like we've done in the past. We are actually ahead of schedule. So, it looks like we're ready....or are we?
Are we really ready for the birth of our Lord and Savior? That's the question we should be asking each other. That's how I should have been responding to the question of whether or not we're ready for Christmas. Are we ready to receive Christ into the world, and into our hearts? That is a more difficult question to ask, and answer. Amidst the craziness and chaos of the holiday season, many of us (myself included) have lost sight of preparing our hearts for Christ. Am I ready to receive Jesus? Do I really know and understand that God the Father loves me? These are the questions we should be asking this time of year (or, rather, all year long!). We need to be less concerned with gifts and parties and shopping and more concerned with preparing our own hearts to receive the Father's love. I, personally, have not done a very good job at doing that this Advent season.
We've got a week left. I've got a lot of work to do to get ready for Christmas. The Church gives us four weeks of Advent to prepare our hearts for the coming of the Lord, and I'm trying to cram all that work into one week. With God's grace, it can be done. I need to get ready for Christmas. And next year, when someone asks me if we're ready for Christmas, I'm not going to answer with the progress we've made on our shopping lists, but rather with the progress I've made with preparing my heart to receive the Lord.
(cross-posted at Catholic Dads)
Are we really ready for the birth of our Lord and Savior? That's the question we should be asking each other. That's how I should have been responding to the question of whether or not we're ready for Christmas. Are we ready to receive Christ into the world, and into our hearts? That is a more difficult question to ask, and answer. Amidst the craziness and chaos of the holiday season, many of us (myself included) have lost sight of preparing our hearts for Christ. Am I ready to receive Jesus? Do I really know and understand that God the Father loves me? These are the questions we should be asking this time of year (or, rather, all year long!). We need to be less concerned with gifts and parties and shopping and more concerned with preparing our own hearts to receive the Father's love. I, personally, have not done a very good job at doing that this Advent season.
We've got a week left. I've got a lot of work to do to get ready for Christmas. The Church gives us four weeks of Advent to prepare our hearts for the coming of the Lord, and I'm trying to cram all that work into one week. With God's grace, it can be done. I need to get ready for Christmas. And next year, when someone asks me if we're ready for Christmas, I'm not going to answer with the progress we've made on our shopping lists, but rather with the progress I've made with preparing my heart to receive the Lord.
(cross-posted at Catholic Dads)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
A New Tradition
We are starting a new tradition this year in our household. I received a sample of oplatki from Aquinas&More. What, you ask, is oplatki? I wondered the same thing. Oplatki is a beautiful Christmas tradition in Eastern Europe. From the Aquinas & More Website:
Among Catholic families in Poland, Lithuania, Slovakia and the Czech Republic, the start of the traditional Wigilia (Christmas Eve Vigil) meal begins with the Oplatki, Oblatky, or Plotkele, a thin Communion-like rectangular wafer made of unleavened bread and stamped with different Christmas symbols. Some families call it the “bread of Love” and it is widely known in English-speaking countries simply as the Christmas wafer. Some eastern German families are also known to use a wafer called Opladen in their Christmas cooking.(read the whole story here.)
I'm really looking forward to this new tradition. We received enough oplatki to hand out to friends and family, so maybe they will start a new tradition as well.
(Note: I received a shipment of oplatki for free in return for writing an honest review.)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Where Do I Go From Here?
Life is full of changes. It seems that there is one change after another, and once you get settled into and comfortable in one way of living, then you are thrown off course, in a new direction. Kari and I have been having this conversation quite a bit lately. We, or should I say, I, am settled in and comfortable with things at the moment. But I know that somewhere in the distance change is coming. I don't know what, when, or where, but change is coming. It always is. All of us have to change and adapt.
The human psyche has an incredible ability to adapt to change. Although that change is not always welcome, when it does come, the ability to adapt to that change is incredible. And once that change becomes the "new normal" then we, or at least I, become incredibly comfortable with that new normal. I think that is why, in part, change is not always welcome. We become comfortable with the status quo.
Not only is change imminent, it is necessary. If we become too comfortable with the status quo, then growth is stagnated. It is very difficult to change when you stay inside your comfort zones, whatever they may be. And once inside those comfort zones it becomes difficult to accept change. We don't want to become uncomfortable again. We fear what that change may bring. So we resist it. And when we resist that change in our life, we resist real growth that will help us to become better people.
God wants us to change. He is calling us to change. He called the apostles to abandon everything they had known and to follow Him. Did they know where they were going? No. Were they fearful? Maybe, but they left everything behind and followed the Lord. It is only in changing that we can stretch ourselves and grow. It is only in changing that we become new. "People do not put new wine in old wineskins" (Matthew 9:17). It is in becoming new that we become better equipped to receive the Body and Blood of Christ and to bring it to others.
One change that Kari and I are discerning is a call to the permanent diaconate. This is one of those changes that I feel deeply interested in, a change that I have been considering for about 16 years. It is also one of those changes that I want to run away from, not only because I fear what it may mean, but I also don't want to step outside my comfort zones, and becoming a deacon is outside my comfort zone. We spent the past two months attending discernment meetings here in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. And, after coming out of them, I am no more clear on what path to take. In fact, I'm less clear. I'm continuing my dialogue with Kari about it. I'm taking it to prayer. In fact, it is taking a substantial amount of my prayer time. Last week, during prayer, the following came to me:
Kari shared with me something that her spiritual director shared with her. Pray. Pray that God will open the doors that He wants open and close the doors that He wants closed.
Lord, I give my life to you. I don't know where you want me to go. I don't know what you want me to do about becoming or not becoming a deacon. I don't know what you want me to do about other important changes in my life that will inevitably come down the road. I give it all to you. I pray that you will make your path clear to me. I pray that you will open the doors that you want opened and close the doors that you want closed. I trust you, Lord. I trust you. Amen.
The human psyche has an incredible ability to adapt to change. Although that change is not always welcome, when it does come, the ability to adapt to that change is incredible. And once that change becomes the "new normal" then we, or at least I, become incredibly comfortable with that new normal. I think that is why, in part, change is not always welcome. We become comfortable with the status quo.
Not only is change imminent, it is necessary. If we become too comfortable with the status quo, then growth is stagnated. It is very difficult to change when you stay inside your comfort zones, whatever they may be. And once inside those comfort zones it becomes difficult to accept change. We don't want to become uncomfortable again. We fear what that change may bring. So we resist it. And when we resist that change in our life, we resist real growth that will help us to become better people.
God wants us to change. He is calling us to change. He called the apostles to abandon everything they had known and to follow Him. Did they know where they were going? No. Were they fearful? Maybe, but they left everything behind and followed the Lord. It is only in changing that we can stretch ourselves and grow. It is only in changing that we become new. "People do not put new wine in old wineskins" (Matthew 9:17). It is in becoming new that we become better equipped to receive the Body and Blood of Christ and to bring it to others.
One change that Kari and I are discerning is a call to the permanent diaconate. This is one of those changes that I feel deeply interested in, a change that I have been considering for about 16 years. It is also one of those changes that I want to run away from, not only because I fear what it may mean, but I also don't want to step outside my comfort zones, and becoming a deacon is outside my comfort zone. We spent the past two months attending discernment meetings here in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. And, after coming out of them, I am no more clear on what path to take. In fact, I'm less clear. I'm continuing my dialogue with Kari about it. I'm taking it to prayer. In fact, it is taking a substantial amount of my prayer time. Last week, during prayer, the following came to me:
I want you to become the voice of those that cannot speak. I want you to be the arms and legs of those who cannot carry themselves. Enter into my Word and be blessed by My Spirit. Go out and proclaim the Gospel to all you encounter. Be my voice to the needy. Be my worker in the vineyard. Commit yourself fully to serving me. Heal others so that you may be healed. Serve others that you may be served. Love others that you may be loved.I'm not saying that I heard the voice of God speak to me these words (It would be easier for me if He did. That way I would know it was from Him). I'm saying that this is the sense I was given by God through prayer.
Kari shared with me something that her spiritual director shared with her. Pray. Pray that God will open the doors that He wants open and close the doors that He wants closed.
Lord, I give my life to you. I don't know where you want me to go. I don't know what you want me to do about becoming or not becoming a deacon. I don't know what you want me to do about other important changes in my life that will inevitably come down the road. I give it all to you. I pray that you will make your path clear to me. I pray that you will open the doors that you want opened and close the doors that you want closed. I trust you, Lord. I trust you. Amen.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Grace of Ars: A Book Review
Let me start out by saying that the Grace of Ars was not what I was looking for. I was looking for a biography of sorts on St. John Vianney. While this does contain biographical information on the Cure of Ars, the book is mainly about the priesthood of which St. John Vianney is the patron (Maybe I should have read the description first.)
With that being said, I read the book anyway, and I enjoyed it. The book takes each aspect of the priesthood from ordination to the Sacrament of Reconciliation and describes in detail the role and call of the priesthood. The author, Fr. Frederick Miller, holds up St. John Vianney as a model for priestly life. I can honestly say that I learned a lot about the priesthood, the call and role of a priest, and the struggles that priests face day to day. I have a renewed appreciation for our priests.
This is a great book for priests. St. John Vianney lived during a difficult time this book helps priests (and seminarians) to understand how and why St. John Vianney should be a model for priestly life. The Cure of Ars was assigned to a very difficult parish, one where there was no faith or spirituality present. He worked hard to change the church, and the town. He spent up to 17 hours a day hearing confessions. What an amazing model for all priests!
While the primary audience for this book is priests, I do recommend that all Catholics pick up a copy of this book. Read it for yourself. Try to understand what a priest goes through to serve you. And pray for your priest. Our priests struggle with many things in our modern culture and they need our prayers now more than ever. And with Christmas coming, this book is a great gift for the priests in your parish.
You can purchase this book here.
I wrote this review of The Grace of Ars for the Tiber River Blogger Review program, created by Aquinas and More Catholic Goods, your source for Oplatki and Advent Calendars. For more information and to purchase, please visit Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.
I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Night I Was Homeless
Over-eating. Shopping malls. Toy stores. Waiting in long lines to get the great deal. Wading through busy stores. Surfing the net to find the best price. What did you do this holiday weekend? Did you eat too much on Thursday and then spend too much the rest of the weekend? Me? Yeah, I probably ate too much on Thursday, but I didn't do any shopping. After working in retail for 12 years I hate the idea of going anywhere near a store the weekend after Thanksgiving. But millions of people nationwide went out shopping this weekend for Black Friday "deals". There were lines of people outside of toy stores and electronic stores just to save a couple of bucks. (The not-so secret industry plan is to get you into the store to save a couple of dollars on 1 item just to gouge you on other items that you buy while you are there, so are you really saving any money? The only real way to save money is to not spend it. I know, working in the industry has made me cynical....but I digress.)
I spent the weekend before Thanksgiving doing something I had never done before. I spent the weekend homeless. Yes, you heard correctly, I was "homeless" for about 18 hours. I took 8 teenagers on a homeless retreat at a parish in my diocese. This retreat is designed to heighten the awareness of homelessness to the teenagers and to simulate homelessness. They were allowed to bring only 3 items with them--and no electronics which meant...no cell phones. If you spend any time with teens these days you know that they never go anywhere without their cell phones. Many teens brought tarps to sleep on and sleeping bags. Some teens brought cardboard boxes to sleep in. In all, about 140 teens from 10 parishes in our diocese attended the retreat. The retreat was even featured on a local news station. You can read the story and watch the video here.
It was a truly moving experience that started with Mass, talks, and Eucharistic Adoration. We were served dinner of a cup of soup, 2 crackers, and lemonade. Then the teens (and us adults) spent the night sleeping outside. It was chilly, but not cold. (Thank God we live in Florida!) Everything got wet from the dew. On Sunday morning, we got up at about 5:30, cleaned up our "campsites", and had a breakfast of 1 danish and a choice of either a cup of juice or hot chocolate.
The most moving experience for me for the whole weekend was going to Pinellas Hope. Pinellas Hope is a program of Catholic Charities in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. To give a brief summary, Pinellas Hope is also known as "Tent City". It is not a traditional homeless shelter. When the homeless arrive, they are first assigned to a tent that they can sleep in. After they get a job they can move into a "house". It is a small shack built of wood about the size of a typical home's bathroom. The newest addition to Pinellas Hope (not yet in use) is 80 transitional efficiency apartments where the homeless can move into and pay rent on. The whole mission of Pinellas Hope is to help the homeless get back on their feet and in a home and job of their own. You can read more details on their website.
What was most moving to me in going to Pinellas Hope was not seeing the homeless and the conditions they live in. It was not seeing the teens serve breakfast to the homeless. What was most moving to me was watching the teens, after serving breakfast, sit down with them and interact with the homeless. This is way outside the comfort zones of many teens. Heck....its outside my comfort zone. It was truly a moving experience because I firmly believe that you cannot solve the issues of poverty and homelessness if you keep them at arms length by writing a check or dropping food off at a food bank. (Yes, these things are necessary, but to truly break the cycle of poverty in someone's life people to get closer, to interact, to help heal some of the issues that are at the root of poverty.)
All of this brings me to the topic of this post and the last of the 7 Deadly Sins--Greed. How much did you spend this past weekend? $50? $100? $500? $1000 or more? I work part-time for a television and internet retailer answering phones and placing orders for customers. I had quite a few customers drop $500 and even $1000 on one transaction with me, and who knows how much they spent elsewhere.
What is greed? Is having wealth considered greedy? No. There is nothing wrong with having wealth. There is nothing wrong with making lots of money. God gives each of us gifts.One gift that God gives certain people is the gift of wealth. However, as in all the gifts that God gives us, He asks that we use those gifts to give Him greater glory.
Am I saying that if you spent a small fortune over the weekend that you are greedy? Certainly not, although you may be. Greed is when we take the gifts that God gives us and use them solely for our own benefit. Greed occurs when we make money, and the pursuit of it, the primary focus in our lives--when we make money and possessions our god.
So, what are we to do? Many of us have been given many blessings, financial and otherwise. I may not make much money (I have two jobs and still barely pay the bills), but I have been blessed financially because I can pay the bills. I have a roof over my head and 3 meals every day. I am in a much better financial position than those who are homeless. The first thing we need to do is be grateful for what we have. Above that, we need to be like the poor widow from Luke 21: "When he looked up he saw some wealthy people putting their offerings into the treasury and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins. He said, 'I tell you truly, this poor widow put in more than all the rest; for those others have made offerings from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, had offered her whole livelihood." (Luke 21:1-4)
We...I....need to be like the poor widow. I'm not like her. I may not be wealthy by the standards of the U.S., but I am wealthy by the standards of the world. There are those that are less fortunate than me in third world countries, and even in my own back yard. I give only from my surplus. I need to offer my whole livelihood. I need to give until it hurts. I need to give what I can financially, and then go out "into the fields" and help those in need. I need, we all need, to be instruments of Christ to those in need--to help them out of poverty, out of pain, out of suffering, not from a distance keeping them at arms length, but face to face as the 140 teens from the Diocese of St. Petersburg did two weekends ago.
I spent the weekend before Thanksgiving doing something I had never done before. I spent the weekend homeless. Yes, you heard correctly, I was "homeless" for about 18 hours. I took 8 teenagers on a homeless retreat at a parish in my diocese. This retreat is designed to heighten the awareness of homelessness to the teenagers and to simulate homelessness. They were allowed to bring only 3 items with them--and no electronics which meant...no cell phones. If you spend any time with teens these days you know that they never go anywhere without their cell phones. Many teens brought tarps to sleep on and sleeping bags. Some teens brought cardboard boxes to sleep in. In all, about 140 teens from 10 parishes in our diocese attended the retreat. The retreat was even featured on a local news station. You can read the story and watch the video here.
It was a truly moving experience that started with Mass, talks, and Eucharistic Adoration. We were served dinner of a cup of soup, 2 crackers, and lemonade. Then the teens (and us adults) spent the night sleeping outside. It was chilly, but not cold. (Thank God we live in Florida!) Everything got wet from the dew. On Sunday morning, we got up at about 5:30, cleaned up our "campsites", and had a breakfast of 1 danish and a choice of either a cup of juice or hot chocolate.
The most moving experience for me for the whole weekend was going to Pinellas Hope. Pinellas Hope is a program of Catholic Charities in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. To give a brief summary, Pinellas Hope is also known as "Tent City". It is not a traditional homeless shelter. When the homeless arrive, they are first assigned to a tent that they can sleep in. After they get a job they can move into a "house". It is a small shack built of wood about the size of a typical home's bathroom. The newest addition to Pinellas Hope (not yet in use) is 80 transitional efficiency apartments where the homeless can move into and pay rent on. The whole mission of Pinellas Hope is to help the homeless get back on their feet and in a home and job of their own. You can read more details on their website.
What was most moving to me in going to Pinellas Hope was not seeing the homeless and the conditions they live in. It was not seeing the teens serve breakfast to the homeless. What was most moving to me was watching the teens, after serving breakfast, sit down with them and interact with the homeless. This is way outside the comfort zones of many teens. Heck....its outside my comfort zone. It was truly a moving experience because I firmly believe that you cannot solve the issues of poverty and homelessness if you keep them at arms length by writing a check or dropping food off at a food bank. (Yes, these things are necessary, but to truly break the cycle of poverty in someone's life people to get closer, to interact, to help heal some of the issues that are at the root of poverty.)
All of this brings me to the topic of this post and the last of the 7 Deadly Sins--Greed. How much did you spend this past weekend? $50? $100? $500? $1000 or more? I work part-time for a television and internet retailer answering phones and placing orders for customers. I had quite a few customers drop $500 and even $1000 on one transaction with me, and who knows how much they spent elsewhere.
What is greed? Is having wealth considered greedy? No. There is nothing wrong with having wealth. There is nothing wrong with making lots of money. God gives each of us gifts.One gift that God gives certain people is the gift of wealth. However, as in all the gifts that God gives us, He asks that we use those gifts to give Him greater glory.
Am I saying that if you spent a small fortune over the weekend that you are greedy? Certainly not, although you may be. Greed is when we take the gifts that God gives us and use them solely for our own benefit. Greed occurs when we make money, and the pursuit of it, the primary focus in our lives--when we make money and possessions our god.
So, what are we to do? Many of us have been given many blessings, financial and otherwise. I may not make much money (I have two jobs and still barely pay the bills), but I have been blessed financially because I can pay the bills. I have a roof over my head and 3 meals every day. I am in a much better financial position than those who are homeless. The first thing we need to do is be grateful for what we have. Above that, we need to be like the poor widow from Luke 21: "When he looked up he saw some wealthy people putting their offerings into the treasury and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins. He said, 'I tell you truly, this poor widow put in more than all the rest; for those others have made offerings from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, had offered her whole livelihood." (Luke 21:1-4)
We...I....need to be like the poor widow. I'm not like her. I may not be wealthy by the standards of the U.S., but I am wealthy by the standards of the world. There are those that are less fortunate than me in third world countries, and even in my own back yard. I give only from my surplus. I need to offer my whole livelihood. I need to give until it hurts. I need to give what I can financially, and then go out "into the fields" and help those in need. I need, we all need, to be instruments of Christ to those in need--to help them out of poverty, out of pain, out of suffering, not from a distance keeping them at arms length, but face to face as the 140 teens from the Diocese of St. Petersburg did two weekends ago.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Lust
Everywhere you look our culture is telling us....IS SCREAMING AT US....that sex is good and that there is nothing wrong with having sex whenever, wherever, and however we want to. In fact, our culture ENCOURAGES us to have sex whenever, wherever, and however we want to.
Everywhere you go, you see sex. You see it on the billboards as you drive down the road. You see it in the magazines in the stores, and I'm not talking about Playboy. You see talk about sex in Maxim and Cosmopolitan. You even see articles about sex in Seventeen (not that I read it!). You see it all over the internet. You see it on T.V. shows like "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives". Sex is also front and center in many of the supposed "family friendly" programming that is out there. Sex is in our music and in the books we read. It's even in our schools with their sex education programs that highlight "protection" over abstinence. Sex is everywhere.
No wonder our culture struggles so much with the deadly sin of lust. When I introduced the topic of the seven deadly sins to my high school youth group and I listed the sins for them one of the responses I got was: "Lust is a sin?" This is a sad statement about the culture we live in. Lust dominates our culture so much that we can no longer recognize it as sinful.
So, then, what is lust? Lust is the disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. It is sexual desire apart from God's love--a selfish desire to seek one's own pleasure at the expense of another. Lust is making the desire for sexual satisfaction your god, putting that desire ahead of everything else in your life.
Let's face it. We all have sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, our sexual desires are good. God created us. He also created in us sexual desires. But he created those desires for a specific purpose. There is a natural order to all things in life, including our sexuality.
The church teaches that sex needs to be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman for a reason. The Church is not imposing some arbitrary rule on Catholics. Look at these statistics:
I could cite more statistics about sex outside of marriage and its consequences. Sex outside of marriage is lust...plain and simple. It is indulging in your sexual desires outside of God's love--outside of God's plan for our sexuality. As you can see from the statistics, sex outside of marriage leads to pain. It leads to suffering. The Church is not just trying to push a prudish agenda. The facts support the Church's teaching.
So, what can we do? It's not like we can snap our fingers and change the culture. What we can do is change ourselves. We can live a life of modesty, as immodesty leads to lust. Both females and males play a role in being more modest, but in different ways.
Females (both teens and adults) tend to be immodest in their dress. Girls--think about it--you could be leading guys into sin by the way you dress. If you dress immodestly, you need to think about why you do so. It is possible that you dress immodestly because you like the attention you are receiving from the guys when you do so--that you feel loved by the attention you get. Maybe you don't. Maybe you dress immodestly just because it is the norm of our culture. Maybe you have never thought about how you dress. Maybe you never considered that you may be dressing immodestly. Maybe you just want to keep up with the latest fashion trends. But just because it is the norm of our culture, it doesn't make it right. To be Christian--and particularly to be Catholic--we oftentimes have to be counter-cultural.
If you girls want guys to respect you for who you are, you need to respect yourself first. You need to have the self-confidence that you can win a guy's heart with who you are as a person--mind, body, and soul--not just by the way you look. Dressing modestly tells guys that you are not an object to be lusted after. Dressing modestly demands that guys respect you for who you are.
Guys, I'm not letting you off the hook on this one. Guys can be immodest as well. Males are not so immodest in their dress, although they can be. Guys are typically more immodest in their words than they are in their dress. Guys who are immodest in their speech use abusive, sexually charged language when they are with other guys. Just walk into a male locker room, and you will hear the immodesty. They talk about the physical features of girls and what they want to do with and to them. This creates a situation of lust. Not only does the guy speaking these words start to lust after girls, but the guys hearing these words begin to lust as well.
Guys are also immodest in their words in the way they speak to girls. Guys who tell girls things they want to hear--that they are pretty, that they love them, etc.--just to take advantage of them sexually are not only being immodest in their speech, but they are also emotionally manipulating girls.
So, what are we to do? First of all, seek the Truth in all things. Understand that first of all, sex is good. Also, don't believe the lies of our culture. Our culture will tell you that having sex anywhere, anyway, and with anyone will fulfill you. Our culture tells you that lust is not a sin. Our culture is lying to you. Lust is a sin, and the pursuit of fulfilling lustful desires will not fulfill you. It will leave you wanting for more. It will leave you empty. Be bold. Be different. Dress modestly. Speak modestly. Act modestly.
Everywhere you go, you see sex. You see it on the billboards as you drive down the road. You see it in the magazines in the stores, and I'm not talking about Playboy. You see talk about sex in Maxim and Cosmopolitan. You even see articles about sex in Seventeen (not that I read it!). You see it all over the internet. You see it on T.V. shows like "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives". Sex is also front and center in many of the supposed "family friendly" programming that is out there. Sex is in our music and in the books we read. It's even in our schools with their sex education programs that highlight "protection" over abstinence. Sex is everywhere.
No wonder our culture struggles so much with the deadly sin of lust. When I introduced the topic of the seven deadly sins to my high school youth group and I listed the sins for them one of the responses I got was: "Lust is a sin?" This is a sad statement about the culture we live in. Lust dominates our culture so much that we can no longer recognize it as sinful.
So, then, what is lust? Lust is the disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. It is sexual desire apart from God's love--a selfish desire to seek one's own pleasure at the expense of another. Lust is making the desire for sexual satisfaction your god, putting that desire ahead of everything else in your life.
Let's face it. We all have sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, our sexual desires are good. God created us. He also created in us sexual desires. But he created those desires for a specific purpose. There is a natural order to all things in life, including our sexuality.
The church teaches that sex needs to be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman for a reason. The Church is not imposing some arbitrary rule on Catholics. Look at these statistics:
- Every day, 8,000 teenagers in the U.S. become infected by sexually transmitted diseases. This year, nearly 3 million teens will become infected.
- Overall, roughly, 1/4 of all the nations sexually active teens have been infected by a sexually transmitted disease.
- Men and women who are sexually active before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
- Teenage girls and boys who are sexually active are less likely to be happy and more likely to feel depressed.
- Teenage girls and boys who are sexually active are more likely to attempt suicide.
I could cite more statistics about sex outside of marriage and its consequences. Sex outside of marriage is lust...plain and simple. It is indulging in your sexual desires outside of God's love--outside of God's plan for our sexuality. As you can see from the statistics, sex outside of marriage leads to pain. It leads to suffering. The Church is not just trying to push a prudish agenda. The facts support the Church's teaching.
So, what can we do? It's not like we can snap our fingers and change the culture. What we can do is change ourselves. We can live a life of modesty, as immodesty leads to lust. Both females and males play a role in being more modest, but in different ways.
Females (both teens and adults) tend to be immodest in their dress. Girls--think about it--you could be leading guys into sin by the way you dress. If you dress immodestly, you need to think about why you do so. It is possible that you dress immodestly because you like the attention you are receiving from the guys when you do so--that you feel loved by the attention you get. Maybe you don't. Maybe you dress immodestly just because it is the norm of our culture. Maybe you have never thought about how you dress. Maybe you never considered that you may be dressing immodestly. Maybe you just want to keep up with the latest fashion trends. But just because it is the norm of our culture, it doesn't make it right. To be Christian--and particularly to be Catholic--we oftentimes have to be counter-cultural.
If you girls want guys to respect you for who you are, you need to respect yourself first. You need to have the self-confidence that you can win a guy's heart with who you are as a person--mind, body, and soul--not just by the way you look. Dressing modestly tells guys that you are not an object to be lusted after. Dressing modestly demands that guys respect you for who you are.
Guys, I'm not letting you off the hook on this one. Guys can be immodest as well. Males are not so immodest in their dress, although they can be. Guys are typically more immodest in their words than they are in their dress. Guys who are immodest in their speech use abusive, sexually charged language when they are with other guys. Just walk into a male locker room, and you will hear the immodesty. They talk about the physical features of girls and what they want to do with and to them. This creates a situation of lust. Not only does the guy speaking these words start to lust after girls, but the guys hearing these words begin to lust as well.
Guys are also immodest in their words in the way they speak to girls. Guys who tell girls things they want to hear--that they are pretty, that they love them, etc.--just to take advantage of them sexually are not only being immodest in their speech, but they are also emotionally manipulating girls.
So, what are we to do? First of all, seek the Truth in all things. Understand that first of all, sex is good. Also, don't believe the lies of our culture. Our culture will tell you that having sex anywhere, anyway, and with anyone will fulfill you. Our culture tells you that lust is not a sin. Our culture is lying to you. Lust is a sin, and the pursuit of fulfilling lustful desires will not fulfill you. It will leave you wanting for more. It will leave you empty. Be bold. Be different. Dress modestly. Speak modestly. Act modestly.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Sloth
I've been meaning to write this post on the next deadly sin for a while....but I've been too lazy to do it. Seriously, I'm lazy. Sloth is probably the deadly sin that I struggle with the most. I like my comfort zones, and when I'm within them, I want to stay there. I don't want to be challenged. I don't want to have to work hard. I want to just ask the question, "What is the least I can do and survive?" Sometimes I'm so lazy that I want to go out and buy products like this...
So, what is this sin of sloth, and what is so wrong with it? Laziness comes in two forms. First of all, laziness is not wanting to do anything...just sitting around like a lump all day, doing nothing. The second form of laziness is doing what you want to do instead of doing what you should do.
Why is laziness a sin? It is a sin on a number of different levels. First of all, God has given us specific gifts and talents. He wants us to work hard and to put to use those gifts and talents. Laziness prevents us from using those gifts.
God also wants us to help others. He wants us to get outside of our comfort zones and feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless. He wants us to reach out to those who are suffering physically and emotionally. Laziness prevents us from doing this.
Finally, God wants us to pray, to grow spiritually. But many of us don't. We don't take the time each day to thank God for the gifts He has given us. We don't ask Him for guidance in our lives. Spiritual laziness, this spiritual indifference, I believe, is the root cause for laziness in all other aspects in our lives. It festers and grows and permeates our whole being. Without a disciplined spiritual life, we cannot know God's will for our lives. We have no direction without prayer. Without any direction, without knowing what God wants us to do, then we all have a tendency to do nothing, and that breeds laziness.
I've seen this in my own life. When I set goals for me in my life, when I try to be disciplined in my spiritual life, I tend to be more disciplined in my work life and in my family life. However, my life is like a yo-yo. I can go weeks, even months at a time where I am spiritually disciplined. Life is good during those times. I get a lot more accomplished at work, I get a lot more accomplished at home. I am, overall, a happier person.
The problem, however, is that I can never get that discipline to last. Eventually, my natural inclination to laziness begins to set in. And once it takes over, I'm dead. I'm unfocused at work and at home. I lose my sense of purpose in life. I lose my passion, my ambition.
My whole life, our whole lives, hinge on our spiritual lives. If we have no passion our faith, if we have no discipline, no zeal for our spiritual lives, then we will have no discipline or zeal in other areas of our lives either.
So, what is the antidote? Diligence. If you struggle with laziness like I do, be diligent! Realize that the only way you can overcome your struggle with laziness is to be focused and disciplined in your spiritual life.
In the bible, no one interacts with God without being given a mission---without being sent out into the world with a job to do. We have all been made with a definite purpose, a goal that God has created for us. Only you can carry out the goal God has created for you. Discern your mission. Pray. Ask God what you can do for Him. Read the scriptures. Go to Mass. There are 168 hours in a week. If you can't give God 1 hour to go to Mass, then you will never overcome laziness.
So, what is this sin of sloth, and what is so wrong with it? Laziness comes in two forms. First of all, laziness is not wanting to do anything...just sitting around like a lump all day, doing nothing. The second form of laziness is doing what you want to do instead of doing what you should do.
Why is laziness a sin? It is a sin on a number of different levels. First of all, God has given us specific gifts and talents. He wants us to work hard and to put to use those gifts and talents. Laziness prevents us from using those gifts.
God also wants us to help others. He wants us to get outside of our comfort zones and feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless. He wants us to reach out to those who are suffering physically and emotionally. Laziness prevents us from doing this.
Finally, God wants us to pray, to grow spiritually. But many of us don't. We don't take the time each day to thank God for the gifts He has given us. We don't ask Him for guidance in our lives. Spiritual laziness, this spiritual indifference, I believe, is the root cause for laziness in all other aspects in our lives. It festers and grows and permeates our whole being. Without a disciplined spiritual life, we cannot know God's will for our lives. We have no direction without prayer. Without any direction, without knowing what God wants us to do, then we all have a tendency to do nothing, and that breeds laziness.
I've seen this in my own life. When I set goals for me in my life, when I try to be disciplined in my spiritual life, I tend to be more disciplined in my work life and in my family life. However, my life is like a yo-yo. I can go weeks, even months at a time where I am spiritually disciplined. Life is good during those times. I get a lot more accomplished at work, I get a lot more accomplished at home. I am, overall, a happier person.
The problem, however, is that I can never get that discipline to last. Eventually, my natural inclination to laziness begins to set in. And once it takes over, I'm dead. I'm unfocused at work and at home. I lose my sense of purpose in life. I lose my passion, my ambition.
My whole life, our whole lives, hinge on our spiritual lives. If we have no passion our faith, if we have no discipline, no zeal for our spiritual lives, then we will have no discipline or zeal in other areas of our lives either.
So, what is the antidote? Diligence. If you struggle with laziness like I do, be diligent! Realize that the only way you can overcome your struggle with laziness is to be focused and disciplined in your spiritual life.
In the bible, no one interacts with God without being given a mission---without being sent out into the world with a job to do. We have all been made with a definite purpose, a goal that God has created for us. Only you can carry out the goal God has created for you. Discern your mission. Pray. Ask God what you can do for Him. Read the scriptures. Go to Mass. There are 168 hours in a week. If you can't give God 1 hour to go to Mass, then you will never overcome laziness.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Uninvited Guest
What would you do if a complete stranger came up to you and invited himself to dinner at your house? How would you react? I know that my reaction would not be a favorable one. First of all, I would respond with something like...."What? Are you nuts? You can't come to my house! Go away!" If he continued to push the issue with me I would continue to say no, citing that my house isn't ready to receive guests....that there are dirty dishes in the sink, the kids toys are strewn all over the house. I just can't invite someone into a dirty house.
Yet, that is just what Jesus did with Zacchaeus. Jesus saw Zacchaeus sitting up in the tree, told him to come down from the tree, and then proceeded to invite himself over to Zacchaeus' house for dinner.(Luke 19:1-10). Zacchaeus, however, did not react the way I would have if someone invited himself to my house. Zacchaeus "came down and quickly received him with joy". Not only did Zacchaeus not have an adverse reaction to Jesus' invitation, but Zacchaeus received Jesus with joy.
Jesus is inviting Himself into my life--into all of our lives. Yes, oftentimes He comes as an uninvited guest. How often do I outright reject Jesus' invitation? How often do I say that Jesus' invitation is just plain crazy and send Him away? How often do I make excuses, saying that I am a sinner and unworthy of his welcome? Yet, there He is, inviting Himself into my life every day. I wake up each morning with Jesus calling to me, inviting Himself into my life. Oftentimes I just ignore Him. Sometimes I tell Him to go away or say that my life is too messy.
On those occasions that I do allow Jesus into my life, that I do accept His invitation to enter in, I receive graces and blessings beyond all that I can imagine. It makes me wonder why I don't invite Him in more often.
Jesus, today, I invite you into my life. My life is dirty. It's filthy, really. And yet, despite my shortcomings, despite my sin, I invite you in. Come Lord, into my life, for you have "come to seek and save the lost."
Yet, that is just what Jesus did with Zacchaeus. Jesus saw Zacchaeus sitting up in the tree, told him to come down from the tree, and then proceeded to invite himself over to Zacchaeus' house for dinner.(Luke 19:1-10). Zacchaeus, however, did not react the way I would have if someone invited himself to my house. Zacchaeus "came down and quickly received him with joy". Not only did Zacchaeus not have an adverse reaction to Jesus' invitation, but Zacchaeus received Jesus with joy.
Jesus is inviting Himself into my life--into all of our lives. Yes, oftentimes He comes as an uninvited guest. How often do I outright reject Jesus' invitation? How often do I say that Jesus' invitation is just plain crazy and send Him away? How often do I make excuses, saying that I am a sinner and unworthy of his welcome? Yet, there He is, inviting Himself into my life every day. I wake up each morning with Jesus calling to me, inviting Himself into my life. Oftentimes I just ignore Him. Sometimes I tell Him to go away or say that my life is too messy.
On those occasions that I do allow Jesus into my life, that I do accept His invitation to enter in, I receive graces and blessings beyond all that I can imagine. It makes me wonder why I don't invite Him in more often.
Jesus, today, I invite you into my life. My life is dirty. It's filthy, really. And yet, despite my shortcomings, despite my sin, I invite you in. Come Lord, into my life, for you have "come to seek and save the lost."
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Gluttony
Gluttony is the immoderate, unreasonable pleasure in food and drink, and it is a sin. The Catholic Church is not Puritanistic in saying that we cannot enjoy food and drink. There is nothing wrong with taking pleasure in eating and drinking. However, when making the desire for food and drink the center of your life, then you cross into gluttony.
Gluttony is not just a sin that only overweight people commit. We all have the ability to be gluttonous. If you were to look at me, your first thought would not be that I'm gluttonous. I'm tall and skinny. I certainly don't look like I over-eat. However, I do have a tendency to be gluttonous at times. I've just been blessed with a high metabolism. My gluttony manifests itself through my sweet tooth. When I start eating sweets, I oftentimes find that I cannot stop. I just want to keep eating more.
Do you eat to make yourself feel better? I'm not talking about relieving physical hunger pangs. Do you eat to feel happy? If you eat or drink to make yourself feel better then you may be committing the sin of gluttony.
We all have a desire for happiness. Gluttony is seeking that happiness in food and drink. The problem we run into when we seek food and drink to satisfy our happiness is that, although we may satisfy that emotional need temporarily, it does not make us truly happy. So, we eat and drink more. And we eventually become addicted to food and drink. We need it to make ourselves feel better--to make us feel happy.
What's the antidote for gluttony? What's the opposite virtue? Temperance. Temperance is moderation, self-restraint. Discipline is a very important aspect of obtaining happiness. We need to have discipline over our desire to eat and drink. We need to understand that over-indulging in food and drink has a negative impact on our bodies and our souls. We need to make God the center of our lives instead of food and drink.
Gluttony is not just a sin that only overweight people commit. We all have the ability to be gluttonous. If you were to look at me, your first thought would not be that I'm gluttonous. I'm tall and skinny. I certainly don't look like I over-eat. However, I do have a tendency to be gluttonous at times. I've just been blessed with a high metabolism. My gluttony manifests itself through my sweet tooth. When I start eating sweets, I oftentimes find that I cannot stop. I just want to keep eating more.
Do you eat to make yourself feel better? I'm not talking about relieving physical hunger pangs. Do you eat to feel happy? If you eat or drink to make yourself feel better then you may be committing the sin of gluttony.
We all have a desire for happiness. Gluttony is seeking that happiness in food and drink. The problem we run into when we seek food and drink to satisfy our happiness is that, although we may satisfy that emotional need temporarily, it does not make us truly happy. So, we eat and drink more. And we eventually become addicted to food and drink. We need it to make ourselves feel better--to make us feel happy.
What's the antidote for gluttony? What's the opposite virtue? Temperance. Temperance is moderation, self-restraint. Discipline is a very important aspect of obtaining happiness. We need to have discipline over our desire to eat and drink. We need to understand that over-indulging in food and drink has a negative impact on our bodies and our souls. We need to make God the center of our lives instead of food and drink.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Defining Moment
I have had many defining moments in my life. It’s hard to pick just one. My marriage was certainly a defining moment. The birth of my first child was also a defining moment. But I think that one of the most significant defining moments in my life was my decision to leave the seminary because it impacted the other defining moments in my life.
Entering the seminary, for me, was not a defining moment. It just seemed like the next logical step for me in my life. Discerning to leave the seminary was extremely difficult for me. I was afraid that I was going to disappoint my parents. I was afraid I was going to disappoint my classmates and the seminary directors. I was afraid I was going to disappoint God.
In the end, I saw that God was calling me to leave the seminary. It was a defining moment because it laid the ground work for the rest of my life. It was also a defining moment because, for the first time in my life, I realized that I could actually hear the voice of God speaking to me. Not an audible voice coming down from heaven, but a whisper in the silence of my heart.
I think it is important for all of us to recognize the defining moments in our lives, for it is in those defining moments that we all can see the work of God in our lives. God was at work in my life. I was unable to see it then, but because of my decision to leave the seminary I now have a wonderful wife and 5 beautiful children. Because of that defining moment, I now have a deeper relationship with our Lord, a more personal relationship.
What are the defining moments in your life? Discover them, and you will discover God.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Things to reflect on....
I am in the midst of the formal discernment process for the permanent diaconate in the Diocese of St. Petersburg, Fl. The process here in my diocese consists of 6 bi-weekly meetings to help us men discern God's will for us. I've attended two meetings thus far, and am looking forward to the rest of the meetings. We've been given "homework". After the first meeting, we were all asked to reflect on the following questions:
I want to take a moment to reflect on the second question now: How do you personally define discernment?
Discernment is a process. It is not so much a process of decision making as it is a process of understanding. That process, that search for understanding, involves input from those directly involved in the thing being discerned (i.e. family and friends), from God through prayer, and, in the case of life's vocation (priesthood, diaconate, and marriage), it requires input from the Church.
There are many competing voices that we must contend with in the discernment process. Take, for example, the process of getting engaged and married. When a couple discerns marriage they will get advice and comments from others about that discernment. Whether it be for good or bad, everyone will give the newly engaged couple advice and their opinion on just about everything. In discerning whether or not you are with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you have to sort through all of those external voices from others and take into consideration the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to getting married.
The second voice we must contend with in the discernment process is that internal voice. This is the voice of doubt, the voice of joy, the voice of confidence, the voice of fear, and the many other voices we hear within our heads. Some of those voices are good, they are from God. Other voices are the voices of the evil one trying to get us to make the wrong decision in the thing that we are discerning. We need to pray about and sort through these voices to truly find where God is guiding us.
The third voice of discernment is the voice of the Church. This voice is particularly apparent in vocations to the priesthood, diaconate, and religious life because those vocations are connected directly to the Church. Not as apparent, but still present, is the voice of the Church in discerning the vocation to marriage. The Church should play a role in helping an engaged couple discern their marriage through the sacramental preparation process that they go through. Regardless of your life's vocation, the Church has an important role to play. We must listen to the wisdom and guidance of the Church in discerning our life's vocation.
At the center of all of this discernment process there should be prayer. We need to take the advice of others, the competing voices in our heads, and the guidance of the Church to prayer. We must be willing quiet our minds and to all the other voices and to listen to the will of God.
God calls each of us to a vocation. Discernment is the process that we must go through to understand what God is calling us to. In order to properly discern God's vocation we must be willing to seek the input of our family and friends, of the Church, and of God Himself though our spiritual life. God has a plan for us. We need to go through this discernment process to understand God's plan.
I will write later about the third question.
What is spirituality?All three questions are relevant not only to us men discerning the permanent diaconate, but to all of us. So, being the blog addict that I am, I will write about all three of these questions for all of cyberspace to see. The first question, "What is spirituality?" will appear on Catholic Dads as a part of my regular weekly series on A Father's Faith. You can check it out here.
How do you personally define discernment?
Give an example of a defining moment and why it was a defining moment.
I want to take a moment to reflect on the second question now: How do you personally define discernment?
Discernment is a process. It is not so much a process of decision making as it is a process of understanding. That process, that search for understanding, involves input from those directly involved in the thing being discerned (i.e. family and friends), from God through prayer, and, in the case of life's vocation (priesthood, diaconate, and marriage), it requires input from the Church.
There are many competing voices that we must contend with in the discernment process. Take, for example, the process of getting engaged and married. When a couple discerns marriage they will get advice and comments from others about that discernment. Whether it be for good or bad, everyone will give the newly engaged couple advice and their opinion on just about everything. In discerning whether or not you are with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you have to sort through all of those external voices from others and take into consideration the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to getting married.
The second voice we must contend with in the discernment process is that internal voice. This is the voice of doubt, the voice of joy, the voice of confidence, the voice of fear, and the many other voices we hear within our heads. Some of those voices are good, they are from God. Other voices are the voices of the evil one trying to get us to make the wrong decision in the thing that we are discerning. We need to pray about and sort through these voices to truly find where God is guiding us.
The third voice of discernment is the voice of the Church. This voice is particularly apparent in vocations to the priesthood, diaconate, and religious life because those vocations are connected directly to the Church. Not as apparent, but still present, is the voice of the Church in discerning the vocation to marriage. The Church should play a role in helping an engaged couple discern their marriage through the sacramental preparation process that they go through. Regardless of your life's vocation, the Church has an important role to play. We must listen to the wisdom and guidance of the Church in discerning our life's vocation.
At the center of all of this discernment process there should be prayer. We need to take the advice of others, the competing voices in our heads, and the guidance of the Church to prayer. We must be willing quiet our minds and to all the other voices and to listen to the will of God.
God calls each of us to a vocation. Discernment is the process that we must go through to understand what God is calling us to. In order to properly discern God's vocation we must be willing to seek the input of our family and friends, of the Church, and of God Himself though our spiritual life. God has a plan for us. We need to go through this discernment process to understand God's plan.
I will write later about the third question.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Anger
Have you ever been angry? Of course! All of us have been angry about something at some point in our lives. Why were you angry? What did you do with that anger? Do you think you were justified in your anger? Let's face it, all of us get angry. Even Jesus got angry:
However, there is another kind of anger. This anger is the unreasonable desire for vengeance. We've all been hurt, annoyed, or in some other way upset by other people. We've all felt the need to get back at the person who hurt us. Anger builds up pressure within us. It clouds our perspective. It just keeps building and building until it finally explodes like a balloon. Anger has a tendency to get the best of us.
People who know me (at least, people outside my immediate family) would think that I don't struggle much with anger. I'm generally calm, quiet, and level-headed in my interactions with others. But I do struggle with anger. I see my anger manifesting itself in two different ways.
The first is through my lack of patience. My kids get the brunt of this anger most of the time. They're loud, they bicker with each other, they don't do what I tell them to do. They create messes in the house. I have a very short fuse for them acting like....well....acting like kids. So, I snap. I yell at them and punish them for being kids. My anger here is certainly not justified and I need to learn greater patience.
The second manifestation of my anger is through people criticizing me, taking advantage of me, or hurting me in any way. I had a co-worker a number of years back at a different job who took advantage of me on a regular basis. She was manipulative, self-centered, and basically stole income from me many times. (The job was a commissioned based sales job, and we were supposed to be supporting each other in sales, not competing with each other.) Needless to say, this made me very angry. And on a few occasions I blew up at her, screaming and yelling at her in the middle of the office. Thankfully, I had enough resolve to not blow up at her in the presence of clients.
So, was my anger in either of these situations justified? In the first situation, with my kids, certainly not. My lack of patience is never justification for losing my temper with the kids. The second situation, however, is a bit more fuzzy. Stealing income from me could certainly be grounds for justified anger, but was it really justified, and if so, did I handle it appropriately? If it was justified, then I certainly did not handle it appropriately. I let my anger get the best of me. The situation could have been handled by better means.
To be honest, I don't think my anger at my co-worker was justified. Was she hurting me, or others, by doing what she did? Sure, she took a bit of income from me, but really, not enough to pose a threat to supporting my family. She was hurting herself far more than she was hurting me. She was damaging her relationship with me and the other office employees through her actions. To be honest, my anger was hurting myself more than she was hurting me. I let my anger control me and cloud my vision.
Does that mean that I should have continue to let her walk all over me? Certainly not. I could have handled the issues I had with her much more diplomatically. I could have spoken to her out of love and told her patiently that I did not want to be taken advantage of. If that didn't work, I could have documented what she did and how I tried to resolve it and then escalated it up the chain of command. Doing that would have been far more effective than screaming and yelling at her.
So, what's the antidote to anger? I already mentioned one--patience. We need to be patient with people and realize that they are not perfect. We expect people to be patient with us. We should do the same for others.
Forgiveness is the second antidote for anger. We need to be willing to forgive those that hurt us. one of the most difficult things to do is to face someone who hurt you and tell them that you forgive them. Yet it is the best way to release the pressure that the anger is building up inside of us.
Since the Passover of the Jews was near, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. He found in the temple area those who sold oxen, sheep, and doves, as well as the money-changers seated there. He made a whip out of cords and drove them all out of the temple area, with the sheep and oxen, and spilled the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables, and to those who sold doves he said, "Take these out of here, and stop making my Father's house a marketplace."So, is anger ever justified? Yes, in certain situations it is. Jesus was certainly justified in his anger over merchants setting up shop in the temple area. It is entirely appropriate to get angry over injustices that are done to us and others.
However, there is another kind of anger. This anger is the unreasonable desire for vengeance. We've all been hurt, annoyed, or in some other way upset by other people. We've all felt the need to get back at the person who hurt us. Anger builds up pressure within us. It clouds our perspective. It just keeps building and building until it finally explodes like a balloon. Anger has a tendency to get the best of us.
People who know me (at least, people outside my immediate family) would think that I don't struggle much with anger. I'm generally calm, quiet, and level-headed in my interactions with others. But I do struggle with anger. I see my anger manifesting itself in two different ways.
The first is through my lack of patience. My kids get the brunt of this anger most of the time. They're loud, they bicker with each other, they don't do what I tell them to do. They create messes in the house. I have a very short fuse for them acting like....well....acting like kids. So, I snap. I yell at them and punish them for being kids. My anger here is certainly not justified and I need to learn greater patience.
The second manifestation of my anger is through people criticizing me, taking advantage of me, or hurting me in any way. I had a co-worker a number of years back at a different job who took advantage of me on a regular basis. She was manipulative, self-centered, and basically stole income from me many times. (The job was a commissioned based sales job, and we were supposed to be supporting each other in sales, not competing with each other.) Needless to say, this made me very angry. And on a few occasions I blew up at her, screaming and yelling at her in the middle of the office. Thankfully, I had enough resolve to not blow up at her in the presence of clients.
So, was my anger in either of these situations justified? In the first situation, with my kids, certainly not. My lack of patience is never justification for losing my temper with the kids. The second situation, however, is a bit more fuzzy. Stealing income from me could certainly be grounds for justified anger, but was it really justified, and if so, did I handle it appropriately? If it was justified, then I certainly did not handle it appropriately. I let my anger get the best of me. The situation could have been handled by better means.
To be honest, I don't think my anger at my co-worker was justified. Was she hurting me, or others, by doing what she did? Sure, she took a bit of income from me, but really, not enough to pose a threat to supporting my family. She was hurting herself far more than she was hurting me. She was damaging her relationship with me and the other office employees through her actions. To be honest, my anger was hurting myself more than she was hurting me. I let my anger control me and cloud my vision.
Does that mean that I should have continue to let her walk all over me? Certainly not. I could have handled the issues I had with her much more diplomatically. I could have spoken to her out of love and told her patiently that I did not want to be taken advantage of. If that didn't work, I could have documented what she did and how I tried to resolve it and then escalated it up the chain of command. Doing that would have been far more effective than screaming and yelling at her.
So, what's the antidote to anger? I already mentioned one--patience. We need to be patient with people and realize that they are not perfect. We expect people to be patient with us. We should do the same for others.
Forgiveness is the second antidote for anger. We need to be willing to forgive those that hurt us. one of the most difficult things to do is to face someone who hurt you and tell them that you forgive them. Yet it is the best way to release the pressure that the anger is building up inside of us.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Nikki and Babs DVD Giveaway!
Wow! I looked at my blog today and noticed it has been nearly a month since my last post. My life this past month has been super busy. I've started a new youth ministry year, had family and other work commitments and started writing a weekly article for Catholic Dads titled A Father's Faith. I just have not had time to spend on my own blog.
One thing that has taken up a bit of my time is that I have written a Bible Study Guide for the Nikki & Babs: Do's and Doubts DVD series put together by Sonlight Pictures. You may remember that I reviewed the DVD in a previous blog post. You can read all about it here. The Bible Study Guide is geared specifically for middle school youth but it can be adapted for high schoolers or even a family bible study. It is free and you can download a copy of the bible study from the Sonlight Pictures website.
To launch this new Bible Study, I am giving away a free copy of the Nikki & Bab's DVD. All you have to do is e-mail me at timdburke74@verizon.net. I will choose a winner randomly from the entries I receive.
Want to increase your chances of winning? You can receive an additional entry if you tweet this post and/or write a post on your own blog and link to mine. Let me know in the comments if you do this with a link to the tweet or blog post.
The contest will close on October 15 and the winner will be announced here on this blog shortly thereafter.
One thing that has taken up a bit of my time is that I have written a Bible Study Guide for the Nikki & Babs: Do's and Doubts DVD series put together by Sonlight Pictures. You may remember that I reviewed the DVD in a previous blog post. You can read all about it here. The Bible Study Guide is geared specifically for middle school youth but it can be adapted for high schoolers or even a family bible study. It is free and you can download a copy of the bible study from the Sonlight Pictures website.
To launch this new Bible Study, I am giving away a free copy of the Nikki & Bab's DVD. All you have to do is e-mail me at timdburke74@verizon.net. I will choose a winner randomly from the entries I receive.
Want to increase your chances of winning? You can receive an additional entry if you tweet this post and/or write a post on your own blog and link to mine. Let me know in the comments if you do this with a link to the tweet or blog post.
The contest will close on October 15 and the winner will be announced here on this blog shortly thereafter.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Quote of the Day
God does not demand that I be successful. God demands that I be faithful. ~Mother Theresa
I think that says it all.
I think that says it all.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Envy
Envy is an easy sin to fall into, isn't it? We look at what others have. We look at their successes, their possessions, their looks, their talents, their friends, and we ask ourselves, "Why don't I have that?" We look at what others have that we don't and we become envious. Thomas Aquinas said that "envy is sorrow at another person's good." Gore Vidal had this to say of envy: "When a friend of mine succeeds, something in me dies."
Envy is an easy trap to fall into. I've fallen into it many times. I've never been successful in the eyes of the world. I don't have a big, fancy house. I don't drive a big, fancy car. I don't have a big bank account or a career that the world would say is powerful, influential, or important. In fact, when I took a job in youth ministry, I had an acquaintance that reacted with: "Oh....well....At least its a job, right?" Clearly the world does not see a job in youth ministry as being successful.
A number of years ago, this lack of worldly success bothered me a lot. I was envious of friends and acquaintances who held high and lofty positions and made lots of money. I was envious of the cars they drove and the houses they lived in. I was envious of the fact that they could spend money on anything they wanted and not be afraid of not having enough money to pay the bills or buy groceries. I wanted to be like them, to have their successes. At the time I was working as a manager at Office Depot....well, not even a manager, just an assistant manager. I talked to my wife about leaving my career in retail and doing something else, something that would give me financial success, something that would give me status.
So, I left Office Depot. I entered into a whole new world to me, a world that I thought would give me status, success, and everything I wanted from the world. I spent several months going through a rigorous training program and upon passing my licensing exams, I officially became a financial advisor with a top advisory firm. I held 4 different licenses that allowed me to trade stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and to sell insurance products. I had the tools necessary to advise millionaires on what to do with their money. I was about to become incredibly successful.
I remember that first summer working in my new job. I had not quite finished my training, but had gone through enough of the process to be allowed to attend a Summer Regional Conference at a luxurious resort at Universal Studios in Orlando. I was on cloud nine! I could rub elbows with the rich and successful advisors of the firm. The last evening of the conference was the highlight of the whole weekend for me and my wife. It was the awards banquet. Advisors were given rewards for many different things that night, but the ones that fascinated me the most were the ones that rewarded the most successful advisors. As the million dollar producers (and greater!) got up to receive their rewards I could think of nothing but "I've done it! I'm here. I'm on the verge of tremendous success. That is going to be me receiving that reward in a couple of years!"
The first six months in the field were great! I still wasn't making a lot of money...in fact I was making less money than I did at Office Depot, but I knew that with time and a lot of work I could eventually make substantially more. I was no longer envious of the success of others. I was, in my eyes, successful in the eyes of the world. I also carried about me an unhealthy sense of pride at my status.
Unfortunately, it didn't last. The financial services industry, particularly financial advising, is a very difficult industry to be successful in. You have to be a very good salesman, capable of convincing people of doing business with you. You have to be persistent, and incredibly aggressive. I am none of those things. I had all the knowledge to help my clients and potential clients. I knew how to protect their assets. I knew how to make them money. I just couldn't convince them to do business with me. And after two and a half years of missed sale after missed sale, I was let go for not making my sales goals.
My envy got the best of me. I wanted so much to be like other people that I forgot who I truly was. I'm not a salesman. I knew that going into the job. But I had convinced myself that I could do it. I ended up losing my job and being unemployed for 7 months. My envy ended up hurting me. It ended up hurting my family.
God has given us unique gifts and talents. Not everyone is created equal. God made the world radically unequal because we all have different missions. I'm learning to discover mine, instead of trying to pursue the same mission that God has for others.
So now I'm working in youth ministry. For many people that is a step backwards from even working as an assistant manager at Office Depot. It certainly was for that acquaintance who had such a negative reaction to learning about my new job, who, by the way, was a colleague at that financial advisory firm. I've come to learn that this is my mission. This is what God wants me to do, where He wants me to be. I've learned to let go of envy in my life...at least in this area of my life. And you know what? I'm a lot happier now than when I was pursuing my envious desires. I thought that pursing worldly fame and success would bring me happiness. All it brought was pain and suffering. My life is more peaceful, more relaxed, more enjoyable. Do I still wish I had more? Do I still stress about finances and money? Sure. But in those moments I try to remember that God is in control. He has a plan for me and I need to surrender to it.
So, how do you overcome envy? What's the antidote? Admiration. Gratitude. Kindness.
Be grateful for the gifts God has given you. Be grateful for the gifts He has given to others. Stop comparing yourself to others. You have your own gifts and talents. Realize that you have your own mission, and it is not the same as the mission God has given to others. Pursue that mission, and be content with what you have. No. Not content. Be joyful with the gifts you have.
Envy is an easy trap to fall into. I've fallen into it many times. I've never been successful in the eyes of the world. I don't have a big, fancy house. I don't drive a big, fancy car. I don't have a big bank account or a career that the world would say is powerful, influential, or important. In fact, when I took a job in youth ministry, I had an acquaintance that reacted with: "Oh....well....At least its a job, right?" Clearly the world does not see a job in youth ministry as being successful.
A number of years ago, this lack of worldly success bothered me a lot. I was envious of friends and acquaintances who held high and lofty positions and made lots of money. I was envious of the cars they drove and the houses they lived in. I was envious of the fact that they could spend money on anything they wanted and not be afraid of not having enough money to pay the bills or buy groceries. I wanted to be like them, to have their successes. At the time I was working as a manager at Office Depot....well, not even a manager, just an assistant manager. I talked to my wife about leaving my career in retail and doing something else, something that would give me financial success, something that would give me status.
So, I left Office Depot. I entered into a whole new world to me, a world that I thought would give me status, success, and everything I wanted from the world. I spent several months going through a rigorous training program and upon passing my licensing exams, I officially became a financial advisor with a top advisory firm. I held 4 different licenses that allowed me to trade stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and to sell insurance products. I had the tools necessary to advise millionaires on what to do with their money. I was about to become incredibly successful.
I remember that first summer working in my new job. I had not quite finished my training, but had gone through enough of the process to be allowed to attend a Summer Regional Conference at a luxurious resort at Universal Studios in Orlando. I was on cloud nine! I could rub elbows with the rich and successful advisors of the firm. The last evening of the conference was the highlight of the whole weekend for me and my wife. It was the awards banquet. Advisors were given rewards for many different things that night, but the ones that fascinated me the most were the ones that rewarded the most successful advisors. As the million dollar producers (and greater!) got up to receive their rewards I could think of nothing but "I've done it! I'm here. I'm on the verge of tremendous success. That is going to be me receiving that reward in a couple of years!"
The first six months in the field were great! I still wasn't making a lot of money...in fact I was making less money than I did at Office Depot, but I knew that with time and a lot of work I could eventually make substantially more. I was no longer envious of the success of others. I was, in my eyes, successful in the eyes of the world. I also carried about me an unhealthy sense of pride at my status.
Unfortunately, it didn't last. The financial services industry, particularly financial advising, is a very difficult industry to be successful in. You have to be a very good salesman, capable of convincing people of doing business with you. You have to be persistent, and incredibly aggressive. I am none of those things. I had all the knowledge to help my clients and potential clients. I knew how to protect their assets. I knew how to make them money. I just couldn't convince them to do business with me. And after two and a half years of missed sale after missed sale, I was let go for not making my sales goals.
My envy got the best of me. I wanted so much to be like other people that I forgot who I truly was. I'm not a salesman. I knew that going into the job. But I had convinced myself that I could do it. I ended up losing my job and being unemployed for 7 months. My envy ended up hurting me. It ended up hurting my family.
God has given us unique gifts and talents. Not everyone is created equal. God made the world radically unequal because we all have different missions. I'm learning to discover mine, instead of trying to pursue the same mission that God has for others.
So now I'm working in youth ministry. For many people that is a step backwards from even working as an assistant manager at Office Depot. It certainly was for that acquaintance who had such a negative reaction to learning about my new job, who, by the way, was a colleague at that financial advisory firm. I've come to learn that this is my mission. This is what God wants me to do, where He wants me to be. I've learned to let go of envy in my life...at least in this area of my life. And you know what? I'm a lot happier now than when I was pursuing my envious desires. I thought that pursing worldly fame and success would bring me happiness. All it brought was pain and suffering. My life is more peaceful, more relaxed, more enjoyable. Do I still wish I had more? Do I still stress about finances and money? Sure. But in those moments I try to remember that God is in control. He has a plan for me and I need to surrender to it.
So, how do you overcome envy? What's the antidote? Admiration. Gratitude. Kindness.
Be grateful for the gifts God has given you. Be grateful for the gifts He has given to others. Stop comparing yourself to others. You have your own gifts and talents. Realize that you have your own mission, and it is not the same as the mission God has given to others. Pursue that mission, and be content with what you have. No. Not content. Be joyful with the gifts you have.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Throwing Staplers at Jesus
I love to read. I always have. I can remember very clearly, as a teenager, reading This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti, and the chills it gave me as he wrote about spiritual warfare. However, unlike my wife and daughter, I've never been one to re-read books. Kari and my oldest daughter have been known to re-read their favorite books a half dozen times, or more. There are quite a few books that I have enjoyed reading over the years, but I've never re-read any of them. So, when I told my wife that I was going to re-read The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton, she was quite surprised. It's been a number of years since I've read it, but I remember it having a profound impact on my life. I'm at a point in my life where I need something that will have a profound impact on it and my spirituality, so I return to the book that launched a new chapter in my life several years ago.
I'm not that far into it, still in the first chapter actually, but it is already having an impact. Thomas tells us of a story about him and his younger brother, John Paul. John Paul was a number of years younger than Thomas, and always wanted to be included in the things that Thomas and his friends did, yet Thomas wouldn't let him. Thomas tells a story of a time where he and a friend were building a hunt in a field near their home. John Paul wanted to be included, but Thomas and his friend wouldn't let him. They yelled at him to go away and even threw rocks at him. Yet he wouldn't leave. He just stood there about a hundred yards away from Thomas, "not sobbing, not crying, but angry and unhappy and offended and tremendously sad." John Paul loved his brother and wanted to be near him and included in his life, yet Thomas rejected him and his love.
What struck me about this was not the story itself. I remember being the one rejected by my siblings, so this was not new and groundbreaking news to me. What struck me is what Merton wrote next:
Why do we keep Jesus at a distance in our lives? Why do we force Him and His love away from us? Maybe it's because the love of Jesus, as Merton states, "reminds us that we all need love from others, and depend on the charity of others to carry on our own lives. And we refuse love, and reject society, in so far as it seems, in our own perverse imagination, to imply some obscure kind of humiliation." Perhaps we reject the love of Jesus out of a sense of pride. We want to live our lives on our own, without any help. We don't want to be seen as being dependent on others out a fear of humiliation.
In reality, we do need the love of God. It is His love that brought us into this world. It is His love that keeps us in this world. And, when the time comes, it is His love that will bring us out of this world. The love of God has given us all of our talents, all of our treasure. We need to put down our staplers. We need to stop yelling. We need to allow Jesus to come closer to us and embrace us in His love.
I'm not that far into it, still in the first chapter actually, but it is already having an impact. Thomas tells us of a story about him and his younger brother, John Paul. John Paul was a number of years younger than Thomas, and always wanted to be included in the things that Thomas and his friends did, yet Thomas wouldn't let him. Thomas tells a story of a time where he and a friend were building a hunt in a field near their home. John Paul wanted to be included, but Thomas and his friend wouldn't let him. They yelled at him to go away and even threw rocks at him. Yet he wouldn't leave. He just stood there about a hundred yards away from Thomas, "not sobbing, not crying, but angry and unhappy and offended and tremendously sad." John Paul loved his brother and wanted to be near him and included in his life, yet Thomas rejected him and his love.
What struck me about this was not the story itself. I remember being the one rejected by my siblings, so this was not new and groundbreaking news to me. What struck me is what Merton wrote next:
In a sense, this terrible situation is the pattern and prototype of all sin; the deliberate and formal will to reject disinterested love for us for the purely arbitrary reason that we simply do not want it. We will to separate ourselves from that love. We reject it entirely and absolutely, and will not acknowledge it, simply because it does not please us to be loved.As any good Ignatian would do, I put myself in the scene before me and reflected on it. The scene that presented itself to me was one of me going about my daily activities. I imagined myself at work, working on my laptop; at home, playing with my kids, talking to my wife. All the while, Jesus is standing there about a hundred yards away. I'm completely ignoring Him. From time to time He tries to come closer, but I yell at Him. I tell Him to go away. I throw staplers at Him. I throw my kids toys at Him. So He stands there, a hundred yards away, looking sad; and yet there is also a look of love on His face. He wants to come closer. He wants to embrace me with His love. He asks for nothing in return for His love. But I reject it completely and totally. I won't let Him in.
Why do we keep Jesus at a distance in our lives? Why do we force Him and His love away from us? Maybe it's because the love of Jesus, as Merton states, "reminds us that we all need love from others, and depend on the charity of others to carry on our own lives. And we refuse love, and reject society, in so far as it seems, in our own perverse imagination, to imply some obscure kind of humiliation." Perhaps we reject the love of Jesus out of a sense of pride. We want to live our lives on our own, without any help. We don't want to be seen as being dependent on others out a fear of humiliation.
In reality, we do need the love of God. It is His love that brought us into this world. It is His love that keeps us in this world. And, when the time comes, it is His love that will bring us out of this world. The love of God has given us all of our talents, all of our treasure. We need to put down our staplers. We need to stop yelling. We need to allow Jesus to come closer to us and embrace us in His love.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Mission to South America
A couple of teens who were a part of my youth ministry program, and have since graduated, have gone to Peru to work with poor and sick children. They have started a blog to chronicle their mission, Our Mission to South America. Please pray for them and those that they will serve.
Friday, August 20, 2010
why? Why? WHY?
Why does God have to keep hitting me over the head? At the beginning of the week I had a conversation with my wife about my need to be more disciplined. I told her I need to have more focus--in my work, in my prayer life, in my relationship with her and my children. Several events occurred this week that reminded me of the need for more discipline in my life. And then today, I pick up the Church bulletin for this coming weekend. (One of the perks of working for the Church is getting an "advance copy" of the parish bulletin.) Each week the pastor writes a letter to the parishioners. This week he wrote this:
The problem with discipline is that it requires so much....well, discipline. And, as we read in the letter to the Hebrews, "all discipline seems a cause not for joy, but for pain." Discipline is hard, and initially there seems to be no fruit from a life of discipline. A life of laziness and indulgence provides an instant satisfaction. It requires no effort, no work. But it ends in a life of misery. I know. That's why my wife and I were talking about discipline at the beginning of the week. She was asking me why I was so miserable, why I have lost my passion. After really looking at it and my life, I discovered that it was because I had lost my discipline. Discipline may not bring an instant joy, but one who is disciplined will, with time, enjoy "the peaceful fruit of righteousness."
In the letter to the Hebrews we read: "At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later, it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it." We are all tempted to seek the easiest way in everything and to want to make things easier for those we love. But it is important to discern what is the best for them because discipline in the right measure helps us more than indulgence.More on discipline. Regular readers of my blog know that I have written on discipline before. I have written about it here, here, and here, to name a few. So, why does God keep hitting me over the head with discipline? Well....I think it's because I'm not listening. I keep falling into the same trap over and over again. The Devil really knows how to get me. He just distracts me and gets me to waste time on insignificant things instead of focusing my time and energy on the work of the Lord.
The problem with discipline is that it requires so much....well, discipline. And, as we read in the letter to the Hebrews, "all discipline seems a cause not for joy, but for pain." Discipline is hard, and initially there seems to be no fruit from a life of discipline. A life of laziness and indulgence provides an instant satisfaction. It requires no effort, no work. But it ends in a life of misery. I know. That's why my wife and I were talking about discipline at the beginning of the week. She was asking me why I was so miserable, why I have lost my passion. After really looking at it and my life, I discovered that it was because I had lost my discipline. Discipline may not bring an instant joy, but one who is disciplined will, with time, enjoy "the peaceful fruit of righteousness."
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