Everywhere you look our culture is telling us....IS SCREAMING AT US....that sex is good and that there is nothing wrong with having sex whenever, wherever, and however we want to. In fact, our culture ENCOURAGES us to have sex whenever, wherever, and however we want to.
Everywhere you go, you see sex. You see it on the billboards as you drive down the road. You see it in the magazines in the stores, and I'm not talking about Playboy. You see talk about sex in Maxim and Cosmopolitan. You even see articles about sex in Seventeen (not that I read it!). You see it all over the internet. You see it on T.V. shows like "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives". Sex is also front and center in many of the supposed "family friendly" programming that is out there. Sex is in our music and in the books we read. It's even in our schools with their sex education programs that highlight "protection" over abstinence. Sex is everywhere.
No wonder our culture struggles so much with the deadly sin of lust. When I introduced the topic of the seven deadly sins to my high school youth group and I listed the sins for them one of the responses I got was: "Lust is a sin?" This is a sad statement about the culture we live in. Lust dominates our culture so much that we can no longer recognize it as sinful.
So, then, what is lust? Lust is the disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. It is sexual desire apart from God's love--a selfish desire to seek one's own pleasure at the expense of another. Lust is making the desire for sexual satisfaction your god, putting that desire ahead of everything else in your life.
Let's face it. We all have sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, our sexual desires are good. God created us. He also created in us sexual desires. But he created those desires for a specific purpose. There is a natural order to all things in life, including our sexuality.
The church teaches that sex needs to be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman for a reason. The Church is not imposing some arbitrary rule on Catholics. Look at these statistics:
- Every day, 8,000 teenagers in the U.S. become infected by sexually transmitted diseases. This year, nearly 3 million teens will become infected.
- Overall, roughly, 1/4 of all the nations sexually active teens have been infected by a sexually transmitted disease.
- Men and women who are sexually active before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
- Teenage girls and boys who are sexually active are less likely to be happy and more likely to feel depressed.
- Teenage girls and boys who are sexually active are more likely to attempt suicide.
(Note: I focused mainly on teenagers when researching my statistics, as that was my primary audience when leading the meeting. I imagine that when taking the population as a whole the statistics will reinforce my point).
I could cite more statistics about sex outside of marriage and its consequences. Sex outside of marriage is lust...plain and simple. It is indulging in your sexual desires outside of God's love--outside of God's plan for our sexuality. As you can see from the statistics, sex outside of marriage leads to pain. It leads to suffering. The Church is not just trying to push a prudish agenda. The facts support the Church's teaching.
So, what can we do? It's not like we can snap our fingers and change the culture. What we can do is change ourselves. We can live a life of modesty, as immodesty leads to lust. Both females
and males play a role in being more modest, but in different ways.
Females (both teens
and adults) tend to be immodest in their dress. Girls--think about it--you could be leading guys into sin by the way you dress. If you dress immodestly, you need to think about why you do so. It is possible that you dress immodestly because you like the attention you are receiving from the guys when you do so--that you feel loved by the attention you get. Maybe you don't. Maybe you dress immodestly just because it is the norm of our culture. Maybe you have never thought about how you dress. Maybe you never considered that you may be dressing immodestly. Maybe you just want to keep up with the latest fashion trends. But just because it is the norm of our culture, it doesn't make it right. To be Christian--and particularly to be Catholic--we oftentimes have to be counter-cultural.
If you girls want guys to respect you for who you are, you need to respect yourself first. You need to have the self-confidence that you can win a guy's heart with who you are as a person--mind, body, and soul--not just by the way you look. Dressing modestly tells guys that you are not an object to be lusted after. Dressing modestly demands that guys respect you for who you are.
Guys, I'm not letting you off the hook on this one. Guys can be immodest as well. Males are not so immodest in their dress, although they can be. Guys are typically more immodest in their words than they are in their dress. Guys who are immodest in their speech use abusive, sexually charged language when they are with other guys. Just walk into a male locker room, and you will hear the immodesty. They talk about the physical features of girls and what they want to do with and to them. This creates a situation of lust. Not only does the guy speaking these words start to lust after girls, but the guys hearing these words begin to lust as well.
Guys are also immodest in their words in the way they speak to girls. Guys who tell girls things they want to hear--that they are pretty, that they love them, etc.--just to take advantage of them sexually are not only being immodest in their speech, but they are also emotionally manipulating girls.
So, what are we to do? First of all, seek the Truth in all things. Understand that first of all, sex is good. Also, don't believe the lies of our culture. Our culture will tell you that having sex anywhere, anyway, and with anyone will fulfill you. Our culture tells you that lust is not a sin. Our culture is lying to you. Lust is a sin, and the pursuit of fulfilling lustful desires will not fulfill you. It will leave you wanting for more. It will leave you empty. Be bold. Be different. Dress modestly. Speak modestly. Act modestly.