".....for the bible tells me so." I have been struggling with something for the past week or two. There is a question that has been presenting itself to me over and over again, almost taunting me. It appeared first in reading Fr. Larry Richard's book, Be a Man! It has resurfaced many times in prayer. It even presented itself (although not directly) during the homily at Mass last Sunday. It's a question that I thought I knew the answer to. It's a question that I believe that I have had the right answer to throughout my childhood and adult life. And now I'm questioning it. I'm questioning whether my answer to this question most of my life is the right one. The question I have been struggling so much with is "Do I know that God the Father loves me?"
I've been Catholic my whole life. I went to Catholic grade school and Catholic high school. I spent time in the seminary. I'm working in Catholic youth ministry. My whole faith life has been based on the premise that, as the song says (sing with me now), "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so." Jesus loves me. I understand that. But, do I know, in the depth of my being, that Jesus loves me? And, do I know how much Jesus loves me?
Like I said, I've been wrestling with this for a while now. I would have to say that when this question first presented itself to me I had to honestly say "No." I don't know that God loves me. If I knew that God loves me, if I knew how much He loves me, then I wouldn't make the decisions that I have been making. I wouldn't live for me. St. Joseph, in last Sunday's gospel had a decision to make. Was he going to take Mary as his wife, or was he going to walk away from it all? He had every right to be upset, to be angry, to be hurt. The woman he was betrothed to was pregnant, and it wasn't his child. Sure, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, but how often do we wake up in the morning with the thought, "that was a weird dream", and then go on living our lives as if the dream meant nothing. Joseph had a choice to make. And he chose to marry Mary. And why did he say yes to taking Mary as his wife? Because he knew that God loved him.
Many of the choices I make in my life are all about me. They are all about how I feel. They are also a cry for love. We all have within us a deep seeded desire to be loved. It is how we were created. And the sole purpose of our creation is to be loved by God. Yet oftentimes we forget that, or, even worse, never even realize it. So, it is in this deep desire to be loved that all of our actions are a pursuit of that love.We want to be recognized by others, so we are prideful. We are jealous of the things others have and the attention they receive that we aren't receiving. We get angry when we don't get what we want. We find comfort in food and become gluttonous. We have a strong urge for love found in sexual intimacy, so we lust. We want to be loved, and yet we look everywhere for that love except to God, our loving Father. If I knew that God loved me, then I wouldn't make the choices I make. I would look to Him for love instead of others. St. Joseph could have done what was easy for him. He could have reacted out of anger or gotten jealous. He could have let his pride get the best of him. But he didn't. He knew that God loved him, and reacted with love out of that knowledge.
There's a second reason why I am uncertain of God's love for me, and that's my lack of trust. I don't trust that God has things in control. I don't trust that he will continue to provide everything that I need. I want to do things my way because I can (mostly) control the outcome. This lack of trust stems from not truly believing that God loves me. If I believed that He loves me, then I would be able to trust Him. I would know that God wants what's best for me. St. Joseph trusted God. He trusted God because he knew that God loved him. He knew that God was in control and that He wanted what was best for him.
I feel....I know, that I cannot move any further in my journey of faith until I know, deep in my heart, that Jesus loves me. Until I know that God loves me deep within my heart then I will continue to make the same mistakes. Until I know that God loves me I will be unable to trust Him. I will be unable to "float" and allow God's will to work in my life.
My Christmas present to Jesus (and myself) this year is to understand and to truly know that He loves me. I want to know that Jesus loves me not "because the bible tells me so" but because I feel the embrace of His love surrounding my whole being. I may not be able to accomplish it in a week. It will become my new year's resolution, too. But I know that it is the gift that Jesus wants. I know that nothing will make Him more happy than knowing that I know that He loves me.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Are You Ready for Christmas?
Christmas is coming next Saturday. Being a father of 5, those who know me ask if my wife and I are ready for Christmas. They want to know if we've been able to do all the shopping, all the gift wrapping, all the preparing for Christmas morning. My response has been, "We're getting there. We've got most of the shopping done and have a few last minute gifts to buy." We've even been able to wrap a few of the presents instead of waiting to do it all on Christmas Eve, like we've done in the past. We are actually ahead of schedule. So, it looks like we're ready....or are we?
Are we really ready for the birth of our Lord and Savior? That's the question we should be asking each other. That's how I should have been responding to the question of whether or not we're ready for Christmas. Are we ready to receive Christ into the world, and into our hearts? That is a more difficult question to ask, and answer. Amidst the craziness and chaos of the holiday season, many of us (myself included) have lost sight of preparing our hearts for Christ. Am I ready to receive Jesus? Do I really know and understand that God the Father loves me? These are the questions we should be asking this time of year (or, rather, all year long!). We need to be less concerned with gifts and parties and shopping and more concerned with preparing our own hearts to receive the Father's love. I, personally, have not done a very good job at doing that this Advent season.
We've got a week left. I've got a lot of work to do to get ready for Christmas. The Church gives us four weeks of Advent to prepare our hearts for the coming of the Lord, and I'm trying to cram all that work into one week. With God's grace, it can be done. I need to get ready for Christmas. And next year, when someone asks me if we're ready for Christmas, I'm not going to answer with the progress we've made on our shopping lists, but rather with the progress I've made with preparing my heart to receive the Lord.
(cross-posted at Catholic Dads)
Are we really ready for the birth of our Lord and Savior? That's the question we should be asking each other. That's how I should have been responding to the question of whether or not we're ready for Christmas. Are we ready to receive Christ into the world, and into our hearts? That is a more difficult question to ask, and answer. Amidst the craziness and chaos of the holiday season, many of us (myself included) have lost sight of preparing our hearts for Christ. Am I ready to receive Jesus? Do I really know and understand that God the Father loves me? These are the questions we should be asking this time of year (or, rather, all year long!). We need to be less concerned with gifts and parties and shopping and more concerned with preparing our own hearts to receive the Father's love. I, personally, have not done a very good job at doing that this Advent season.
We've got a week left. I've got a lot of work to do to get ready for Christmas. The Church gives us four weeks of Advent to prepare our hearts for the coming of the Lord, and I'm trying to cram all that work into one week. With God's grace, it can be done. I need to get ready for Christmas. And next year, when someone asks me if we're ready for Christmas, I'm not going to answer with the progress we've made on our shopping lists, but rather with the progress I've made with preparing my heart to receive the Lord.
(cross-posted at Catholic Dads)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
A New Tradition
We are starting a new tradition this year in our household. I received a sample of oplatki from Aquinas&More. What, you ask, is oplatki? I wondered the same thing. Oplatki is a beautiful Christmas tradition in Eastern Europe. From the Aquinas & More Website:
Among Catholic families in Poland, Lithuania, Slovakia and the Czech Republic, the start of the traditional Wigilia (Christmas Eve Vigil) meal begins with the Oplatki, Oblatky, or Plotkele, a thin Communion-like rectangular wafer made of unleavened bread and stamped with different Christmas symbols. Some families call it the “bread of Love” and it is widely known in English-speaking countries simply as the Christmas wafer. Some eastern German families are also known to use a wafer called Opladen in their Christmas cooking.(read the whole story here.)
I'm really looking forward to this new tradition. We received enough oplatki to hand out to friends and family, so maybe they will start a new tradition as well.
(Note: I received a shipment of oplatki for free in return for writing an honest review.)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Where Do I Go From Here?
Life is full of changes. It seems that there is one change after another, and once you get settled into and comfortable in one way of living, then you are thrown off course, in a new direction. Kari and I have been having this conversation quite a bit lately. We, or should I say, I, am settled in and comfortable with things at the moment. But I know that somewhere in the distance change is coming. I don't know what, when, or where, but change is coming. It always is. All of us have to change and adapt.
The human psyche has an incredible ability to adapt to change. Although that change is not always welcome, when it does come, the ability to adapt to that change is incredible. And once that change becomes the "new normal" then we, or at least I, become incredibly comfortable with that new normal. I think that is why, in part, change is not always welcome. We become comfortable with the status quo.
Not only is change imminent, it is necessary. If we become too comfortable with the status quo, then growth is stagnated. It is very difficult to change when you stay inside your comfort zones, whatever they may be. And once inside those comfort zones it becomes difficult to accept change. We don't want to become uncomfortable again. We fear what that change may bring. So we resist it. And when we resist that change in our life, we resist real growth that will help us to become better people.
God wants us to change. He is calling us to change. He called the apostles to abandon everything they had known and to follow Him. Did they know where they were going? No. Were they fearful? Maybe, but they left everything behind and followed the Lord. It is only in changing that we can stretch ourselves and grow. It is only in changing that we become new. "People do not put new wine in old wineskins" (Matthew 9:17). It is in becoming new that we become better equipped to receive the Body and Blood of Christ and to bring it to others.
One change that Kari and I are discerning is a call to the permanent diaconate. This is one of those changes that I feel deeply interested in, a change that I have been considering for about 16 years. It is also one of those changes that I want to run away from, not only because I fear what it may mean, but I also don't want to step outside my comfort zones, and becoming a deacon is outside my comfort zone. We spent the past two months attending discernment meetings here in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. And, after coming out of them, I am no more clear on what path to take. In fact, I'm less clear. I'm continuing my dialogue with Kari about it. I'm taking it to prayer. In fact, it is taking a substantial amount of my prayer time. Last week, during prayer, the following came to me:
Kari shared with me something that her spiritual director shared with her. Pray. Pray that God will open the doors that He wants open and close the doors that He wants closed.
Lord, I give my life to you. I don't know where you want me to go. I don't know what you want me to do about becoming or not becoming a deacon. I don't know what you want me to do about other important changes in my life that will inevitably come down the road. I give it all to you. I pray that you will make your path clear to me. I pray that you will open the doors that you want opened and close the doors that you want closed. I trust you, Lord. I trust you. Amen.
The human psyche has an incredible ability to adapt to change. Although that change is not always welcome, when it does come, the ability to adapt to that change is incredible. And once that change becomes the "new normal" then we, or at least I, become incredibly comfortable with that new normal. I think that is why, in part, change is not always welcome. We become comfortable with the status quo.
Not only is change imminent, it is necessary. If we become too comfortable with the status quo, then growth is stagnated. It is very difficult to change when you stay inside your comfort zones, whatever they may be. And once inside those comfort zones it becomes difficult to accept change. We don't want to become uncomfortable again. We fear what that change may bring. So we resist it. And when we resist that change in our life, we resist real growth that will help us to become better people.
God wants us to change. He is calling us to change. He called the apostles to abandon everything they had known and to follow Him. Did they know where they were going? No. Were they fearful? Maybe, but they left everything behind and followed the Lord. It is only in changing that we can stretch ourselves and grow. It is only in changing that we become new. "People do not put new wine in old wineskins" (Matthew 9:17). It is in becoming new that we become better equipped to receive the Body and Blood of Christ and to bring it to others.
One change that Kari and I are discerning is a call to the permanent diaconate. This is one of those changes that I feel deeply interested in, a change that I have been considering for about 16 years. It is also one of those changes that I want to run away from, not only because I fear what it may mean, but I also don't want to step outside my comfort zones, and becoming a deacon is outside my comfort zone. We spent the past two months attending discernment meetings here in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. And, after coming out of them, I am no more clear on what path to take. In fact, I'm less clear. I'm continuing my dialogue with Kari about it. I'm taking it to prayer. In fact, it is taking a substantial amount of my prayer time. Last week, during prayer, the following came to me:
I want you to become the voice of those that cannot speak. I want you to be the arms and legs of those who cannot carry themselves. Enter into my Word and be blessed by My Spirit. Go out and proclaim the Gospel to all you encounter. Be my voice to the needy. Be my worker in the vineyard. Commit yourself fully to serving me. Heal others so that you may be healed. Serve others that you may be served. Love others that you may be loved.I'm not saying that I heard the voice of God speak to me these words (It would be easier for me if He did. That way I would know it was from Him). I'm saying that this is the sense I was given by God through prayer.
Kari shared with me something that her spiritual director shared with her. Pray. Pray that God will open the doors that He wants open and close the doors that He wants closed.
Lord, I give my life to you. I don't know where you want me to go. I don't know what you want me to do about becoming or not becoming a deacon. I don't know what you want me to do about other important changes in my life that will inevitably come down the road. I give it all to you. I pray that you will make your path clear to me. I pray that you will open the doors that you want opened and close the doors that you want closed. I trust you, Lord. I trust you. Amen.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Grace of Ars: A Book Review
Let me start out by saying that the Grace of Ars was not what I was looking for. I was looking for a biography of sorts on St. John Vianney. While this does contain biographical information on the Cure of Ars, the book is mainly about the priesthood of which St. John Vianney is the patron (Maybe I should have read the description first.)
With that being said, I read the book anyway, and I enjoyed it. The book takes each aspect of the priesthood from ordination to the Sacrament of Reconciliation and describes in detail the role and call of the priesthood. The author, Fr. Frederick Miller, holds up St. John Vianney as a model for priestly life. I can honestly say that I learned a lot about the priesthood, the call and role of a priest, and the struggles that priests face day to day. I have a renewed appreciation for our priests.
This is a great book for priests. St. John Vianney lived during a difficult time this book helps priests (and seminarians) to understand how and why St. John Vianney should be a model for priestly life. The Cure of Ars was assigned to a very difficult parish, one where there was no faith or spirituality present. He worked hard to change the church, and the town. He spent up to 17 hours a day hearing confessions. What an amazing model for all priests!
While the primary audience for this book is priests, I do recommend that all Catholics pick up a copy of this book. Read it for yourself. Try to understand what a priest goes through to serve you. And pray for your priest. Our priests struggle with many things in our modern culture and they need our prayers now more than ever. And with Christmas coming, this book is a great gift for the priests in your parish.
You can purchase this book here.
I wrote this review of The Grace of Ars for the Tiber River Blogger Review program, created by Aquinas and More Catholic Goods, your source for Oplatki and Advent Calendars. For more information and to purchase, please visit Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.
I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Night I Was Homeless
Over-eating. Shopping malls. Toy stores. Waiting in long lines to get the great deal. Wading through busy stores. Surfing the net to find the best price. What did you do this holiday weekend? Did you eat too much on Thursday and then spend too much the rest of the weekend? Me? Yeah, I probably ate too much on Thursday, but I didn't do any shopping. After working in retail for 12 years I hate the idea of going anywhere near a store the weekend after Thanksgiving. But millions of people nationwide went out shopping this weekend for Black Friday "deals". There were lines of people outside of toy stores and electronic stores just to save a couple of bucks. (The not-so secret industry plan is to get you into the store to save a couple of dollars on 1 item just to gouge you on other items that you buy while you are there, so are you really saving any money? The only real way to save money is to not spend it. I know, working in the industry has made me cynical....but I digress.)
I spent the weekend before Thanksgiving doing something I had never done before. I spent the weekend homeless. Yes, you heard correctly, I was "homeless" for about 18 hours. I took 8 teenagers on a homeless retreat at a parish in my diocese. This retreat is designed to heighten the awareness of homelessness to the teenagers and to simulate homelessness. They were allowed to bring only 3 items with them--and no electronics which meant...no cell phones. If you spend any time with teens these days you know that they never go anywhere without their cell phones. Many teens brought tarps to sleep on and sleeping bags. Some teens brought cardboard boxes to sleep in. In all, about 140 teens from 10 parishes in our diocese attended the retreat. The retreat was even featured on a local news station. You can read the story and watch the video here.
It was a truly moving experience that started with Mass, talks, and Eucharistic Adoration. We were served dinner of a cup of soup, 2 crackers, and lemonade. Then the teens (and us adults) spent the night sleeping outside. It was chilly, but not cold. (Thank God we live in Florida!) Everything got wet from the dew. On Sunday morning, we got up at about 5:30, cleaned up our "campsites", and had a breakfast of 1 danish and a choice of either a cup of juice or hot chocolate.
The most moving experience for me for the whole weekend was going to Pinellas Hope. Pinellas Hope is a program of Catholic Charities in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. To give a brief summary, Pinellas Hope is also known as "Tent City". It is not a traditional homeless shelter. When the homeless arrive, they are first assigned to a tent that they can sleep in. After they get a job they can move into a "house". It is a small shack built of wood about the size of a typical home's bathroom. The newest addition to Pinellas Hope (not yet in use) is 80 transitional efficiency apartments where the homeless can move into and pay rent on. The whole mission of Pinellas Hope is to help the homeless get back on their feet and in a home and job of their own. You can read more details on their website.
What was most moving to me in going to Pinellas Hope was not seeing the homeless and the conditions they live in. It was not seeing the teens serve breakfast to the homeless. What was most moving to me was watching the teens, after serving breakfast, sit down with them and interact with the homeless. This is way outside the comfort zones of many teens. Heck....its outside my comfort zone. It was truly a moving experience because I firmly believe that you cannot solve the issues of poverty and homelessness if you keep them at arms length by writing a check or dropping food off at a food bank. (Yes, these things are necessary, but to truly break the cycle of poverty in someone's life people to get closer, to interact, to help heal some of the issues that are at the root of poverty.)
All of this brings me to the topic of this post and the last of the 7 Deadly Sins--Greed. How much did you spend this past weekend? $50? $100? $500? $1000 or more? I work part-time for a television and internet retailer answering phones and placing orders for customers. I had quite a few customers drop $500 and even $1000 on one transaction with me, and who knows how much they spent elsewhere.
What is greed? Is having wealth considered greedy? No. There is nothing wrong with having wealth. There is nothing wrong with making lots of money. God gives each of us gifts.One gift that God gives certain people is the gift of wealth. However, as in all the gifts that God gives us, He asks that we use those gifts to give Him greater glory.
Am I saying that if you spent a small fortune over the weekend that you are greedy? Certainly not, although you may be. Greed is when we take the gifts that God gives us and use them solely for our own benefit. Greed occurs when we make money, and the pursuit of it, the primary focus in our lives--when we make money and possessions our god.
So, what are we to do? Many of us have been given many blessings, financial and otherwise. I may not make much money (I have two jobs and still barely pay the bills), but I have been blessed financially because I can pay the bills. I have a roof over my head and 3 meals every day. I am in a much better financial position than those who are homeless. The first thing we need to do is be grateful for what we have. Above that, we need to be like the poor widow from Luke 21: "When he looked up he saw some wealthy people putting their offerings into the treasury and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins. He said, 'I tell you truly, this poor widow put in more than all the rest; for those others have made offerings from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, had offered her whole livelihood." (Luke 21:1-4)
We...I....need to be like the poor widow. I'm not like her. I may not be wealthy by the standards of the U.S., but I am wealthy by the standards of the world. There are those that are less fortunate than me in third world countries, and even in my own back yard. I give only from my surplus. I need to offer my whole livelihood. I need to give until it hurts. I need to give what I can financially, and then go out "into the fields" and help those in need. I need, we all need, to be instruments of Christ to those in need--to help them out of poverty, out of pain, out of suffering, not from a distance keeping them at arms length, but face to face as the 140 teens from the Diocese of St. Petersburg did two weekends ago.
I spent the weekend before Thanksgiving doing something I had never done before. I spent the weekend homeless. Yes, you heard correctly, I was "homeless" for about 18 hours. I took 8 teenagers on a homeless retreat at a parish in my diocese. This retreat is designed to heighten the awareness of homelessness to the teenagers and to simulate homelessness. They were allowed to bring only 3 items with them--and no electronics which meant...no cell phones. If you spend any time with teens these days you know that they never go anywhere without their cell phones. Many teens brought tarps to sleep on and sleeping bags. Some teens brought cardboard boxes to sleep in. In all, about 140 teens from 10 parishes in our diocese attended the retreat. The retreat was even featured on a local news station. You can read the story and watch the video here.
It was a truly moving experience that started with Mass, talks, and Eucharistic Adoration. We were served dinner of a cup of soup, 2 crackers, and lemonade. Then the teens (and us adults) spent the night sleeping outside. It was chilly, but not cold. (Thank God we live in Florida!) Everything got wet from the dew. On Sunday morning, we got up at about 5:30, cleaned up our "campsites", and had a breakfast of 1 danish and a choice of either a cup of juice or hot chocolate.
The most moving experience for me for the whole weekend was going to Pinellas Hope. Pinellas Hope is a program of Catholic Charities in the Diocese of St. Petersburg. To give a brief summary, Pinellas Hope is also known as "Tent City". It is not a traditional homeless shelter. When the homeless arrive, they are first assigned to a tent that they can sleep in. After they get a job they can move into a "house". It is a small shack built of wood about the size of a typical home's bathroom. The newest addition to Pinellas Hope (not yet in use) is 80 transitional efficiency apartments where the homeless can move into and pay rent on. The whole mission of Pinellas Hope is to help the homeless get back on their feet and in a home and job of their own. You can read more details on their website.
What was most moving to me in going to Pinellas Hope was not seeing the homeless and the conditions they live in. It was not seeing the teens serve breakfast to the homeless. What was most moving to me was watching the teens, after serving breakfast, sit down with them and interact with the homeless. This is way outside the comfort zones of many teens. Heck....its outside my comfort zone. It was truly a moving experience because I firmly believe that you cannot solve the issues of poverty and homelessness if you keep them at arms length by writing a check or dropping food off at a food bank. (Yes, these things are necessary, but to truly break the cycle of poverty in someone's life people to get closer, to interact, to help heal some of the issues that are at the root of poverty.)
All of this brings me to the topic of this post and the last of the 7 Deadly Sins--Greed. How much did you spend this past weekend? $50? $100? $500? $1000 or more? I work part-time for a television and internet retailer answering phones and placing orders for customers. I had quite a few customers drop $500 and even $1000 on one transaction with me, and who knows how much they spent elsewhere.
What is greed? Is having wealth considered greedy? No. There is nothing wrong with having wealth. There is nothing wrong with making lots of money. God gives each of us gifts.One gift that God gives certain people is the gift of wealth. However, as in all the gifts that God gives us, He asks that we use those gifts to give Him greater glory.
Am I saying that if you spent a small fortune over the weekend that you are greedy? Certainly not, although you may be. Greed is when we take the gifts that God gives us and use them solely for our own benefit. Greed occurs when we make money, and the pursuit of it, the primary focus in our lives--when we make money and possessions our god.
So, what are we to do? Many of us have been given many blessings, financial and otherwise. I may not make much money (I have two jobs and still barely pay the bills), but I have been blessed financially because I can pay the bills. I have a roof over my head and 3 meals every day. I am in a much better financial position than those who are homeless. The first thing we need to do is be grateful for what we have. Above that, we need to be like the poor widow from Luke 21: "When he looked up he saw some wealthy people putting their offerings into the treasury and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins. He said, 'I tell you truly, this poor widow put in more than all the rest; for those others have made offerings from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, had offered her whole livelihood." (Luke 21:1-4)
We...I....need to be like the poor widow. I'm not like her. I may not be wealthy by the standards of the U.S., but I am wealthy by the standards of the world. There are those that are less fortunate than me in third world countries, and even in my own back yard. I give only from my surplus. I need to offer my whole livelihood. I need to give until it hurts. I need to give what I can financially, and then go out "into the fields" and help those in need. I need, we all need, to be instruments of Christ to those in need--to help them out of poverty, out of pain, out of suffering, not from a distance keeping them at arms length, but face to face as the 140 teens from the Diocese of St. Petersburg did two weekends ago.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Lust
Everywhere you look our culture is telling us....IS SCREAMING AT US....that sex is good and that there is nothing wrong with having sex whenever, wherever, and however we want to. In fact, our culture ENCOURAGES us to have sex whenever, wherever, and however we want to.
Everywhere you go, you see sex. You see it on the billboards as you drive down the road. You see it in the magazines in the stores, and I'm not talking about Playboy. You see talk about sex in Maxim and Cosmopolitan. You even see articles about sex in Seventeen (not that I read it!). You see it all over the internet. You see it on T.V. shows like "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives". Sex is also front and center in many of the supposed "family friendly" programming that is out there. Sex is in our music and in the books we read. It's even in our schools with their sex education programs that highlight "protection" over abstinence. Sex is everywhere.
No wonder our culture struggles so much with the deadly sin of lust. When I introduced the topic of the seven deadly sins to my high school youth group and I listed the sins for them one of the responses I got was: "Lust is a sin?" This is a sad statement about the culture we live in. Lust dominates our culture so much that we can no longer recognize it as sinful.
So, then, what is lust? Lust is the disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. It is sexual desire apart from God's love--a selfish desire to seek one's own pleasure at the expense of another. Lust is making the desire for sexual satisfaction your god, putting that desire ahead of everything else in your life.
Let's face it. We all have sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, our sexual desires are good. God created us. He also created in us sexual desires. But he created those desires for a specific purpose. There is a natural order to all things in life, including our sexuality.
The church teaches that sex needs to be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman for a reason. The Church is not imposing some arbitrary rule on Catholics. Look at these statistics:
I could cite more statistics about sex outside of marriage and its consequences. Sex outside of marriage is lust...plain and simple. It is indulging in your sexual desires outside of God's love--outside of God's plan for our sexuality. As you can see from the statistics, sex outside of marriage leads to pain. It leads to suffering. The Church is not just trying to push a prudish agenda. The facts support the Church's teaching.
So, what can we do? It's not like we can snap our fingers and change the culture. What we can do is change ourselves. We can live a life of modesty, as immodesty leads to lust. Both females and males play a role in being more modest, but in different ways.
Females (both teens and adults) tend to be immodest in their dress. Girls--think about it--you could be leading guys into sin by the way you dress. If you dress immodestly, you need to think about why you do so. It is possible that you dress immodestly because you like the attention you are receiving from the guys when you do so--that you feel loved by the attention you get. Maybe you don't. Maybe you dress immodestly just because it is the norm of our culture. Maybe you have never thought about how you dress. Maybe you never considered that you may be dressing immodestly. Maybe you just want to keep up with the latest fashion trends. But just because it is the norm of our culture, it doesn't make it right. To be Christian--and particularly to be Catholic--we oftentimes have to be counter-cultural.
If you girls want guys to respect you for who you are, you need to respect yourself first. You need to have the self-confidence that you can win a guy's heart with who you are as a person--mind, body, and soul--not just by the way you look. Dressing modestly tells guys that you are not an object to be lusted after. Dressing modestly demands that guys respect you for who you are.
Guys, I'm not letting you off the hook on this one. Guys can be immodest as well. Males are not so immodest in their dress, although they can be. Guys are typically more immodest in their words than they are in their dress. Guys who are immodest in their speech use abusive, sexually charged language when they are with other guys. Just walk into a male locker room, and you will hear the immodesty. They talk about the physical features of girls and what they want to do with and to them. This creates a situation of lust. Not only does the guy speaking these words start to lust after girls, but the guys hearing these words begin to lust as well.
Guys are also immodest in their words in the way they speak to girls. Guys who tell girls things they want to hear--that they are pretty, that they love them, etc.--just to take advantage of them sexually are not only being immodest in their speech, but they are also emotionally manipulating girls.
So, what are we to do? First of all, seek the Truth in all things. Understand that first of all, sex is good. Also, don't believe the lies of our culture. Our culture will tell you that having sex anywhere, anyway, and with anyone will fulfill you. Our culture tells you that lust is not a sin. Our culture is lying to you. Lust is a sin, and the pursuit of fulfilling lustful desires will not fulfill you. It will leave you wanting for more. It will leave you empty. Be bold. Be different. Dress modestly. Speak modestly. Act modestly.
Everywhere you go, you see sex. You see it on the billboards as you drive down the road. You see it in the magazines in the stores, and I'm not talking about Playboy. You see talk about sex in Maxim and Cosmopolitan. You even see articles about sex in Seventeen (not that I read it!). You see it all over the internet. You see it on T.V. shows like "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives". Sex is also front and center in many of the supposed "family friendly" programming that is out there. Sex is in our music and in the books we read. It's even in our schools with their sex education programs that highlight "protection" over abstinence. Sex is everywhere.
No wonder our culture struggles so much with the deadly sin of lust. When I introduced the topic of the seven deadly sins to my high school youth group and I listed the sins for them one of the responses I got was: "Lust is a sin?" This is a sad statement about the culture we live in. Lust dominates our culture so much that we can no longer recognize it as sinful.
So, then, what is lust? Lust is the disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. It is sexual desire apart from God's love--a selfish desire to seek one's own pleasure at the expense of another. Lust is making the desire for sexual satisfaction your god, putting that desire ahead of everything else in your life.
Let's face it. We all have sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, our sexual desires are good. God created us. He also created in us sexual desires. But he created those desires for a specific purpose. There is a natural order to all things in life, including our sexuality.
The church teaches that sex needs to be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman for a reason. The Church is not imposing some arbitrary rule on Catholics. Look at these statistics:
- Every day, 8,000 teenagers in the U.S. become infected by sexually transmitted diseases. This year, nearly 3 million teens will become infected.
- Overall, roughly, 1/4 of all the nations sexually active teens have been infected by a sexually transmitted disease.
- Men and women who are sexually active before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
- Teenage girls and boys who are sexually active are less likely to be happy and more likely to feel depressed.
- Teenage girls and boys who are sexually active are more likely to attempt suicide.
I could cite more statistics about sex outside of marriage and its consequences. Sex outside of marriage is lust...plain and simple. It is indulging in your sexual desires outside of God's love--outside of God's plan for our sexuality. As you can see from the statistics, sex outside of marriage leads to pain. It leads to suffering. The Church is not just trying to push a prudish agenda. The facts support the Church's teaching.
So, what can we do? It's not like we can snap our fingers and change the culture. What we can do is change ourselves. We can live a life of modesty, as immodesty leads to lust. Both females and males play a role in being more modest, but in different ways.
Females (both teens and adults) tend to be immodest in their dress. Girls--think about it--you could be leading guys into sin by the way you dress. If you dress immodestly, you need to think about why you do so. It is possible that you dress immodestly because you like the attention you are receiving from the guys when you do so--that you feel loved by the attention you get. Maybe you don't. Maybe you dress immodestly just because it is the norm of our culture. Maybe you have never thought about how you dress. Maybe you never considered that you may be dressing immodestly. Maybe you just want to keep up with the latest fashion trends. But just because it is the norm of our culture, it doesn't make it right. To be Christian--and particularly to be Catholic--we oftentimes have to be counter-cultural.
If you girls want guys to respect you for who you are, you need to respect yourself first. You need to have the self-confidence that you can win a guy's heart with who you are as a person--mind, body, and soul--not just by the way you look. Dressing modestly tells guys that you are not an object to be lusted after. Dressing modestly demands that guys respect you for who you are.
Guys, I'm not letting you off the hook on this one. Guys can be immodest as well. Males are not so immodest in their dress, although they can be. Guys are typically more immodest in their words than they are in their dress. Guys who are immodest in their speech use abusive, sexually charged language when they are with other guys. Just walk into a male locker room, and you will hear the immodesty. They talk about the physical features of girls and what they want to do with and to them. This creates a situation of lust. Not only does the guy speaking these words start to lust after girls, but the guys hearing these words begin to lust as well.
Guys are also immodest in their words in the way they speak to girls. Guys who tell girls things they want to hear--that they are pretty, that they love them, etc.--just to take advantage of them sexually are not only being immodest in their speech, but they are also emotionally manipulating girls.
So, what are we to do? First of all, seek the Truth in all things. Understand that first of all, sex is good. Also, don't believe the lies of our culture. Our culture will tell you that having sex anywhere, anyway, and with anyone will fulfill you. Our culture tells you that lust is not a sin. Our culture is lying to you. Lust is a sin, and the pursuit of fulfilling lustful desires will not fulfill you. It will leave you wanting for more. It will leave you empty. Be bold. Be different. Dress modestly. Speak modestly. Act modestly.
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